CBG and I have a pretty equal relationship. I feel like we are partners, in this together. When it comes to our relationship, there is not one of us that is more important than the other. Sometimes my needs take priority, sometimes his. There is an ebb and flow that all balances out in the end.
Right now, things are all about him. And well they should be.
Putting him first means listening when he needs to talk.
Putting him first means holding him when he cries.
Putting him first means being a distraction when he needs one.
Putting him first means not complaining when our weekend gets cut short.
Putting him first means putting aside my loneliness so he can focus on what he needs to do.
Putting him first means being strong for him – and finding support for myself from people around me.
Putting him first means making sure that he’s sufficiently propped up so that he can do everything he needs to do in the next while.
* * * * *
Our weekend together was very much required for both of us. It gave him the opportunity to let go some of the stress he’s been hanging onto. It gave him the chance to laugh and feel normal – even just for a little while. It allowed him opportunity to talk about what he needed to talk about, and cry while I held him. It helped me to feel like there was something real I could do to help and support him.
He’s only been gone an hour. I can still smell him on my skin. It makes my heart ache. And yet I know in the grand scheme of things that this ache is far less important than what he’s going through….far less important than being strong for him.
Some day I will be first. And I know that when that happens, he will step up to the plate and be there for me, without hesitation.
After all, that’s what love is all about.