Giving Up

I’ve been sitting here for a while trying to think of what to say.  I don’t know how to write this blog post without sound like a complete Drama Queen.

The truth is, friends, I do believe I’m giving up.

On myself.

On life.

As I crawled into bed last night, early, after avoiding a phone conversation with CBG, I realized how little I’m actually living. I really feel as though I’m just existing, going from day to day, week to week, just “getting by”. I live entirely for small moments – seeing my girls, having weekends with CBG. The time in between is sad and empty.

Because I am sad and empty.

Right now I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of fight left in me.

13 Responses

  1. Thinking of you lady… Hope you can work through your funk and realize how much you have to look forward to! Take care of yourself… you owe yourself and you so deserve it!

  2. It sounds to me like you’re just tired. You may have to rest a bit. Rest your mind. Rest your thoughts. Rest trying to help others. Rest trying to avoid others. Rest trying to figure things out. Rest trying to understand why somethings aren’t making you happy. Just rest. Be still.

    And then, it will pass.

    Allow yourself the ‘giving up’. Fighting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  3. Sigh. I wish I could reach through and give you a hug! I think you are probably tired too, as T says. And need to take a step back from some things. Hang in there. XO.

  4. Hey–I know just how you feel. This month, and last month, have been really hard for me too. But I also know that you are a strong woman, and you will get through this. We are all here for you.

  5. I agree with T. I’m really trying to just let myself be in the “giving up” mode…experiencing that for a while. Fighting is really tiring. I think–with me–there are just peaks and valleys and I’m in a valley. Maybe you are too. Maybe it’s the weather, time of year, some other thing you can’t control. Whatever it is it will pass. I know it will! *hugs* and I’m thinking of you!!

  6. I’m not quite sure what to say to help other then I hope that you get over this soon.

    I am sure you will. You deserve to be happy in all you do!

  7. I’m sorry to hear this. I could give you advice, but I’m not sure that’s what you want/need. I’ll just say, it will get better. Just focus on the next small moment when you are living again. When you are ready to fight, you know you have lots of support.

    *hugs*

  8. I liked reading your post “The Point”. You might want to read it too. You sound pretty encouraged then.

    I’ll pray for you.

  9. I’m coming out of lurking because this post touched me to the core. I feel what you’re feeling! It is so hard sometimes to stay upbeat when inside you feel defeated, like you’re running on an endless treadmill with no end in sight. No amount of advice from anyone will make you feel better, you just need to ride it out. Let go, and rest like T said. Stop thinking so hard, stop trying to solve everything. I am truly inspired by you and your relationship with CBG. It gives me hope and I know you’ll get through this. I had 3 weeks of bottomless sorrow during the holidays. My first ones alone after leaving my husband, my life behind. I had doubts, such insecurity, such pain. Every waking moment was a struggle. But miraculously, I came out of my funk and I know you will too. Hang in there Sunshine, we’re all routing for you! ((HUG))

    • I’m glad you came out of lurking! Thank you….it means a lot to me.

      It’s funny, last night I wrote an email to a ‘virtual friend’, outlining everything that’s going on with me right now, that I believe to be contributing to this funk. And you know what? IT WAS A LOT! It’s no wonder that I’m feeling so tired.

      I’ve been thinking about it and I DO need to get off the endless treadmill, even just for a little while. I’m just not sure how to do that! 😉

      Thanks so much for your comment. xo

  10. Don’t give up. Keep fighting. I know you can do it. You’re amazing!

  11. […] Last week was a pretty shitty one. There were so many contributing factors to why I ended up feeling the way that I did on Thursday. […]

  12. I hope that I am just really far behind in reading and you are seeing some light right now! I am so sorry you felt this way! You are strong and will get through this!
    *HUGS*

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