Thank you, CBG

I am still sometimes so amazed by the fact that out of all the people in this world, I was able to find someone who seems to be exactly what I need in my life.

How utterly fortunate am I?

I’ve been thinking about the situation on Monday night when I was bitching about the difficult person in my life. CBG simply stayed on the other end of the phone and let me get it all out. He offered relatively few comments and thoughts, even when I prompted him. He simply listened.

It was his silence that actually allowed me to work through things on my own, and come to the point where I remembered that I can only control my own perception and my own actions, and that I have to learn to let all the other things go. Of course, when I started going down this road in my rant, he completely backed me up and agreed with me. But he offered little in terms of his own personal thoughts.

And honestly? That was exactly what I needed. There are some conclusions that we need the space to be able to come to on our own. This is a first for me in a relationship – having the space that I need to figure things out. So often my ex husband would either try to “talk me down” from how I was feeling – or worse yet – play “devil’s advocate” in an attempt to help me to see “the other side” of things. I ended up really resenting those conversations, as I was left feeling like my feelings about a certain person or situation weren’t valid. It was a rare situation in my marriage when I was given the space to work through something on my own. I was often smothered.

But on Monday night, CBG gave me exactly the amount of space that I needed. He was my sounding board, but he wasn’t my parent. He acted as my safe place to vent my anger and frustration, without trying to pep talk me or help me to see things differently. He simply sat back with the confidence that I would work it out on my own.

And so I did. It’s just another reason why I know he’s the one for me.

4 Responses

  1. That is awesome. And so rare, really, because the first reaction is to try to talk them down, rather than just listen. I actually need to heed this a little (you’ll see when I put up today’s post) with M, I think. It’s good advice.

    • The trick, I think, is knowing what the other person needs at any particular time. CBG has tried the “talking me down” route, and that didn’t always go so well. 😉 Sometimes it just takes time to get to know someone well enough to know what what they need. Trial and error is involved.

  2. […] you try to coax it out of them? Do you try to light the conversation and then just listen? Or do you offer […]

  3. I swear this is awesome. DH does the same thing when I’m on a tangent…he lets me talk it through and usually stays mostly quiet. He will offer up some questions that make me think but he will just let me work through it on my own. I love that!

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