Allowing the Funk

I woke up this morning in a full funk.

It’s not surprising, really. I shouldn’t be surprised by it.

It’s not a major funk, mind you, it’s me feeling a little worse than just “meh”.I’m feeling flat, disinterested, tired.

I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. It’s only natural that I’d be feeling a little down right now.

The weird part is that I feel kind of guilty for feeling like this. Like I should just be able to suck it up and deal. After all, in the grand scheme of life, my issues are pretty insignificant.

Bah.

I know that I can’t “tough love” myself out of this. I’ve tried and failed miserably in the past.  But honestly? I’m so fucking sick of myself it’s not funny. I want to kick myself in the ass and stop speaking to me for a couple of days. Instead, I know that I need to be patient and loving with myself and my mood, knowing that it will pass.

Unfortunately at this point I feel a whole lot more inclined toward the ass-kicking.

Allowing without wallowing is always the challenge for me. There’s a huge difference between the two; wallowing is often my natural inclination. I think it has something to do with spending most of my life being made to feel like it wasn’t okay to feel certain things. So when that guilt for feeling shitty kicks, part of me digs in my heels and says, “Oh yeah? Well I’ll show YOU. I can feel however I want!”

I will do my best to take the gentle approach with this. The gentle approach means recognizing that it’s okay to feel like crap now and again, allowing those negative feelings, without focusing on them. It means not constantly thinking about all the things I have to feel bad about right now. Going down that road will result in a full-on, feeling like crap funk. And I don’t have the time or the patience to deal with that right now.

Wish me luck, friends.

6 Responses

  1. Lots of luck wished for you! I hope you make your way out of this funk soon. But it’s certainly okay to feel that way. Happens to the best of us.

  2. Um… yeah!

    And by the way, I’m finding that I actually like saying “Oh yeah? I can feel how I want!” I too wasn’t allowed to feel all of the range of emotions that I do as a child… and heck, even in my marriage!

    Sometimes, I DO wallow in it and it feels good/sucks but it’s how I feel in the moment. It’s the ass-kicking that I’m trying to stop. Because dammit, it’s just a feeling. It WILL pass. I KNOW all of this. But if I’m gonna feel it, I’m gonna feel it FULL FORCE.

    As a matter of fact, my previous funk got so bad that I was flat out yelling F-you! to myself and the Universe on that last morning. Funny enough, by mid-day, it was over.

    I say let it take over and then, allow it to move on to find someone else….

  3. Wallowing is okay, it happens. It’s not a habit, just sometimes happens, to all of us. Funny though, I don’t see you as a wallower at all. You’re an allower. IMHO 🙂

  4. We could just kick each other in the ass?
    Does that work?

  5. […] performance in almost everything you do. I needed this reminder today.For those interested, my funk is subsiding a bit. I’m not forcing it…it just seems to be backing away slowly on […]

  6. You’re doing the right things. Just keep plugging away.

    Good luck!

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