I’m a helper. It’s one of my gifts as well as one of my shortcomings.

When it’s healthy, and done for the right reasons, helping another person is one of the most beautiful things that you can do. Sharing ourselves – our gifts, talents and perspective can truly be of assistance to another person. We all have our own uniqueness to share with others.

When it’s unhealthy, and done for the wrong reasons, “helping” another person is about attempting to exercise your control over a situation. It’s about getting a little too involved in someone else’s problems, and not allowing their stuff to truly be theirs.

I sometimes have difficulty staying on the healthy side of the line when it comes to helping other people. I get too involved, get over my head. I find myself getting too wrapped up in their problems and issues. This is particularly difficult when it comes to romantic relationships. After all, we’re supposed to help the ones we love.


Interestingly enough, after starting this post last night, I crawled into bed with my new favourite book, “A Return to Love”. I opened the book up at a random page and this quote jumped off the page:

In order to learn the most from relationships, you have to focus on your own issues.

There’s a certain temptation when it comes to helping others. It’s a good distraction, isn’t it? If I allow myself to get wrapped up in someone else’s stuff, I don’t have the time or energy to work on my own. I get to sit back and pat myself on the back for the great job that I’m doing with someone else. And suddenly my own problems and issues don’t seem nearly as important as they used to. That’s the danger of helping another person too much. And while I might not be there just yet, I can feel the pull in that direction. I’ve been a little too outwardly focused lately, this I know. Time to turn back toward myself and focus on my own issues. Perhaps in doing so, I will be some kind of an inspiration and example. Or something.

At the very least, I won’t make myself crazy by getting too caught up in someone else’s issues. At best, maybe I’ll even be able to deal with something of my own.

5 Responses

  1. Ah yes… the “random page quote”. A Course in Miracles is good like that too.

    Unfortunately, I didn’t do that last night. Oh well, live and learn, right?

    Time to go grab that blue book… (Oh and since you brought it up, I’m re-reading Return to Love again too. For the 4th time!)

  2. “Perhaps in doing so, I will be some kind of an inspiration and example. Or something.”

    You already are!

  3. I concur with Spencer. You already are. It comes through loud and clear. Great message, as usual, too!

  4. I just read another blog post about this. Interesting subject. And I agree with Spencer and Jo! 🙂

  5. Great post. I totally agree with you about how when you get caught up in helping others suddenly you don’t have the time and energy to work on your own stuff – I’m so doing that right now! Hmmm…you couldn’t have posted this at a more interesting time! lol

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