I Can’t Read Your Blog Anymore

Last night I removed a blog feed from my google reader. I did it for my own sanity.

As far as I know, this person doesn’t read my blog. If they do, they’ve never indicated so, and have never left a comment. That’s not why I dropped them, though.

I dropped them because quite frankly, I couldn’t stand to read their self-pitying, self-righteousness any more. Every time I read a blog post I wanted to reach through the screen and give this person a good hard shake. This person is well-intentioned, but refuses to see the truth of their life. Their blog is simply a means of self-justification and a way to rally support for continuing to make damaging life choices.

I can never be honest with this person and tell them what I really think. It would serve no useful purpose. And as with many people in the last two years or so, I’ve had to learn to simply just let go. Because people who don’t want to see the truth won’t, no matter how compelling and honest your argument is. It is impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

My only hope, for the sake of this person, is that they one day accept the truth and begin to go down a better path. But honestly? At this point, I don’t hold out a lot of hope for them. And I’m just not in a place to sit back idly and watch someone self-destruct.

It’s not easy letting go like that. But one important thing I’ve learned in the last couple of years is that we need to give people the freedom to learn their own lessons in life. And if they don’t? Then that’s not our responsibility to correct.

14 Responses

  1. Ok, the nosy part of me wants to know who it is and the bloggy part of me is glad it’s not me (I hope!/assume, given the clues!). But I totally know what you mean as I too have one I can’t read anymore for similar reasons. I *so* get this.

  2. Yup. I was intrigued. I find that when I’m in a similar situation, I simply leave the blog roll alone, but still stop reading. I’m a bit passive sometimes. (Okay, I admit I did a quick mental check…I don’t think I’m self-pitying and self-righteous. I’ll ask Jolene.) 😉

  3. OMGosh I was just thinking this for a few in my reader… it’s hard to read a blog that you think… seriously??? Nobody has that hard of a life and a computer to talk about it to gripe constantly and want others to pity them!

    Okay… vent over. Loved the post!

  4. I know it’s not me, because I only ever make the best decisions for the benefit of my readers.

    If your intention was to get all your readers to look at their own blog and wonder if they are too self-pitying and self-righteous, this was a brilliant strategy. 🙂

    Seriously, it is interesting to see a person’s blog as a character study. What we reveal. What we don’t. And how we delude ourselves. I don’t know if this applied to the blog in question, but I’m always amazed when someone tells me a story about some dispute they had, and they come out looking like the bad guy. Wow, if you’re telling the story and you still sound like an asshole, then you really must be one!

  5. I do wonder if some just need to vent the anger so they can reach the hurt. Sometimes people don’t want helped so much as they need to be heard and acknowledged. And I remember too that we are all on a journey, some are in kindergarten, some are in sixth grade and others have MBA’s for all of the things they have witnessed in their lives.

    I hold hope that we can appreciate the place they are in without rushing to aid them but rushing to hear what needs expressed so they can continue growing.

    And Oooooh, how I have been!

    • Great points!

    • Dawn, I think you’re absolutely right. Me being me, it’s hard to NOT help people sometimes. But sitting back and watching is sometimes a little too difficult, which is why I made the decision to stop reading this one particular blog – mainly for my own peace of mind. 🙂

  6. The last two lines of this post are so true.

  7. I’m with you, not so much about a blog, but people in real life. SO many come to me for what they call “advice” when all they’re really asking for is validation for what they’ve already decided. I got so frustrated that I decided to just listen now. I just LISTEN.

    Someone told me that they will stop when the pain exceeds the pleasure. And I’ve also learned that we’ll only take as much abuse as we abuse ourselves.

    I like what you said, it is not our job to make them feel the pain. We all have our life to lead and lessons to learn…

  8. Of course I’m curious too. I don’t think I read this particular blog unless it’s Snark’s. Just kidding!!!! Had to throw that in there based on his comment. 🙂

    I agree with you though. I think there is a huge difference between being sad because you are heartbroken and being negative and self-pitying all the time. People can relate to worthy sadness. It’s really hard to relate to constant self-pity…especially when they can’t see the error of their ways.

  9. I have a friend like this. Last night DH & I were talking about her…about her posts and her RL chats with me. She’s my RL friend, too. But she’s *JUST* like that. It’s so hard. Yesterday her complaints about her career made me want to wring her neck…she makes 2Xs what I make, her company brings in lunch from restaurants EVERY DAY for employees for FREE, her boss asked her what conferences she’d like to go to next year, etc. I wanted to kill her. I got so angry. She does this at every job…E.V.E.R. I want to tell her the only thing that is the same in all the equations is her…ugh.

  10. Dude if I had a nickel for all the POOR ME, WHY IS LIFE DOING THIS TO ME, BLAH BLAH blogs I’ve stopped reading … I’d have like … $.0.50.


    Good Post Sunshine. Plus, I love that it’s snowing here.

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