The Benefits of NOT Being a Nag

This past weekend was CBG’s “big move”. I managed to stay true to my promise to the both of us, and did NOT nag him these past couple of weeks regarding the packing and preparation process. When I arrived on Friday night and surveyed the situation, I realized that he had not prepared for the move as much as he should have. There was still a ton of packing and cleaning to be done.  He was wildly optimistic and completely underestimating the amount of time it was going to take to get everything packed and loaded onto the trailer.

I didn’t say a whole lot on Friday night. I knew that giving him a hard time wasn’t going to make the packing go anymore quickly or make the situation any better.

It wasn’t until Saturday afternoon that it began to sink in with CBG that this was going to be a whole lot more work than he thought. His stress levels began going up. Guilt kicked in. The apologies started.

And you know what I did? I smiled. I smiled and told him it was perfectly okay. I smiled and reassured him that we’ d get everything done by the time his dad arrived to take away the trailer. I worked my ass off to be as absolutely helpful as I could.

I didn’t once say, “I told you so.” I didn’t chastise him for not heeding  my warnings. I smiled and reassured and worked and had endless amounts of patience for the situation.

I realized that by not nagging him about this, I wasn’t was emotionally invested in the situation as I would have been otherwise. I had simply gone about my business all week, allowing him to “own” the packing situation. When I arrived on the weekend and saw that it wasn’t done as much as it should have been, there was nothing to say “I told you so” about. I wasn’t frustrated at him for not listening to me, because I hadn’t been ragging on him all week. It turned out to be great – he needed loving support, not admonishment. When his stress levels peaked early Sunday morning, I had nothing but cheery patience and reassurance and almost unlimited energy resources. I was his cheering section and his sounding board, but I wasn’t the woman who had nagged him for the past two weeks who then got to be smug or irritated because he hadn’t done it, or felt smug because I “knew better than him”. I was honestly glad that I was able to be there to help and support him through this. If I hadn’t, it would have been really, really tough for him.

CBG was completely grateful and totally appreciative of my patience, too. He thanked me repeatedly and was sweeter than usual all weekend long. Instead of being a cranky weekend, it ended up being one of those things that brought us closer together.

And you know what? We got it done. By the time we drove away on Sunday afternoon, the trailer was long gone and the place was spic and span.

For me, as a former “nagging wife” this feels like a huge accomplishment. I’m not saying I’ll never nag CBG about anything ever again, but this was a biggie. And it was reassuring to get proof that NOT nagging was the perfect route to take in this situation.

Another relationship win.

Another relationship win. Honestly? I love that man more this morning than I did when I arrived on Friday.

6 Responses

  1. So you didn’t have any “nag equity” in his being prepared? Interesting idea.

    Did you help him “break in” the new place? 🙂

    Win, win, win. Great post.

  2. That’s all kinds of awesome. Always learning. Always loving.

  3. HUGE WIN!! I love this. So happy for you both. Things just seem to get better and better. That’s awesome.

  4. Great story with a solid moral for everyone! I’m glad you got everything done. I was kind of stressed just reading this!

  5. That is all kinds of awesome.

  6. […] The lack of nagging that I bragged wrote about yesterday certainly helped. But there was more behind it than that. CBG and I have each learned a lot from our previous relationships. A lot of mistakes were made – by everyone – and I think that he and I often keep the lessons learned from those mistakes at the forefronts of our mind. […]

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