Fruits of my Labour…

I’ve been particularly focused lately on maintaining a positive attitude. My natural tendency is to sometimes become too focused on the negatives, on what I am lacking at any particular moment in my life. I decided, several weeks ago, that I am going to put in a bigger than usual effort to focus on the positives, rather than “half-assing it” like I tend to do.

And whaddaya know? It’s actually working.

I noticed it when CBG was away on his recent business trip. In the past I would have let this get me down; the fact that he was busy and had less time than usual for me.  I would have felt a little insecure with him being off having his fun adventures. Instead, this time, I focused on my girls and my life here. When CBG and I did talk, I made sure that I let him know that things with me were great. I liked to think that I was making his trip just a tiny bit better, since he didn’t need to worry about me and how I was feeling.

I noticed it this past weekend when CBG and I had our usual good. It was okay. There were no tears – either before or after he drove away. Sure, I was sad, but I simply wrapped myself up in all the love that we’d shared over the weekend. How could I remain sad thinking about that?

More importantly, I didn’t experience my usual “low” after our weekend together. This one is huge. Almost every time, after a weekend together, I find myself fighting against negativity for at least two or three days. Maybe, after two whole years, I’m finally figuring out how to emotionally manoeuvre my way through this long distance relationship.

I noticed this week at work. I am still very much in “learning” mode with this job, and there are times when I still feel extremely incompetent and frustrated with myself. I felt this on Tuesday. I spent the entire day working on an onerous project, feeling frustrated – mostly with myself. I was stressed and pressured and began doubting my ability to do the job at all.  I did my best to shake it off. I took a deep breath and reminded myself to simply have patience with myself and the learning process. That night, as I vented to CBG on the phone, I realized that I was okay. A few months ago, I might have allowed that feeling to drag me down for days, but this week (despite the PMS, I might add!!) I simply let that feeling go, chalking it up to one bad day.

All of these things may seem like small moments in life. But added up together, they equally one happy gal. I’m sure that I will stumble again and lose this positive streak for a while, but for now, I’m going to sit back and enjoy every single second of it. Because the only thing that really counts is what’s happening here and now.

And, my friends, here and now looks pretty damn good. Sure, it’s not perfect. Life rarely is. But these days I am successfully making the choice to focus on the good stuff. It kind makes the not-so-good look a whole lot less important.

Let’s hope this feeling continues for a good long while to come.

14 Responses

  1. Those aren’t small moments…those are huge! What great progress! I love it, so glad you are having such big rock moments!!

  2. Wheee! It actually DOES take work for me too. I keep telling myself that if I can work at it, make it a habit, it will become second nature.

    *clink clink*

    Here’s to both of us!

  3. I am glad that things are falling into place for you!

    And, good for you for identifying that!

  4. This is awesome, way to go.

  5. Oh yeah, Mama! My man travels quite a bit, and those abandonment issues used to surface big time for me. I’ve worked a lot on this, too. Good for you for being aware of when they rise up, and letting them pass…

  6. Awesome! I love that you can feel yourself evolving. You have such a great attitude about life!

  7. what I love about you is that you are so aware of yourself, your feelings, your strenghts and your weaknesses. I appreciate that you can be so honest about your struggles and celebrate your victories as well with the same honesty.

    This is a great blog post.

  8. I soooo need to learn to do this. I have such negative thoughts running through my head all the time. I know it is a choice. I just need to “do it”. Positive what if’s, not negative ones.
    I am proud of you.

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