Making The Choice

I think that at least part of the reason why I still sometimes struggle with this whole long distance thing is because I feel like things are out of my control. The situation is not what I want it to be, because honestly, given the choice, I would absolutely choose having an everyday life with CBG over the life we have together right now. No question.

So I struggle against the life that we do have, because I feel like I have no control, no choices available to me.

The truth is, that’s kind of bullshit.

I am making the choice, every day, to stay in this relationship, aren’t I? I am choosing to be with someone that I absolutely adore that I only get to see a couple of times a month, over seeking out an ‘okay’ relationship with someone that I would get to see every day. I may not like the options that are available to me, but I’m making a choice nevertheless.

And it’s a choice that I will continue to make. Because even though fear sometimes gets the better of me and I start imagining running away from what I have, the truth of the matter is that I don’t want a life without CBG. Seeing him a couple of times a month is better than never seeing him at all. Having his love from a distance is so much better than not having it. Period.

Apparently, I need a big fat reminder of that every now and again. Hopefully that need will continue to shrink, along with my fear, as time goes on. Because frankly this occasional uncertainty is exhausting for everyone.

And so, as my weekend with CBG slowly approaches, I will focus on the positives. I will focus on the sweet anticipation of seeing him soon. I will enjoy our email flirting and our mutual excitement. And once he’s here, I will savour every sweet second of it….knowing in my heart, that even despite the obstacles and challenges, this is, without a doubt, the best relationship I’ve ever found myself in.

And you know what? Being here by choice makes it a whole lot sweeter.

7 Responses

  1. I love this!

  2. This is something I tell my mom and sister when they complain about stuff in their lives. I tell them they’re making the choice to stay with a crappy husband or not trying to find a job so she has money. Etc. It’s good to remember that you’re making a choice…own it…then it’s yours 🙂

  3. *sigh* Amen, girl.

  4. Ok, let’s try that again with my NEW blog website. 🙂

  5. That’s a great attitude. Life is so much better with the right person, even if the situation is challenging. I would much prefer that to a challenging person with the right situation.

  6. That is a great attitude and I’m sure it’s hard to remember that when you struggle. As I’ve said a million times, you guys are my inspiration for how to make it work, and REALLY communicate, no matter how or when. It’s awesome.

  7. LOVE this and feel the same about my situation.

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