Working It Out

Earlier this week, CBG and I had a blowout. The only kind of blowout that we ever have – via email – due to misunderstanding each other’s tone and/or intent. We each went to bed that night still feeling like crap, having resolved nothing.

After having several hours to “sleep on it” (I didn’t really sleep that much, to be honest) I was able to sit down and write a calm, well-thought-out email the next morning. An email that was well received and prompted him to respond simliarly.

Now was that really all that difficult?

Well…sometimes, in a relationship, it is that difficult. I realized that, even after being with CBG for close to two years, when things aren’t going well with the two of us, I still have the instinct to bolt. Despite the fact that I am absolutely crazy about this man and know that he feels the same way in return, there is a part of me that still feels so very afraid. One failed marriage under my belt still makes it difficult to open and up and jump in there with both feet.

Once we were able to discuss matters calmly and lovingly, several issues came to light. Nothing too big to overcome, just things that we each need to be aware of and sensitive to when it comes to the other person. After all, we all have issues. Communicating about those issues is required so that each person can be aware of what the other wants and needs in order to be the best person that they can be. It’s give-and-take.

We each gave the other things to be aware of, things to pay attention to, things to work on. Nothing huge. We’re not talking deal-breakers….we’re talking things that will serve to make our relationship stronger and better. We both made many mistakes in our marriages, mistakes that we really don’t want to repeat with each other now.

When you love someone this much, the work is worth it. ‘Cuz I am absolutely crazy about this guy. Really, how could I not be?

 

6 Responses

  1. I know what you mean about feeling ready to bolt after every argument. I do the same thing internally with my guy. We have a big argument and in one part of my brain I am calculating how I could really do it alone, because I have done it alone before. I wonder if every divorced woman has this defense mechanism. It’s like, I’ve already broken down that wall once before, how hard could it be to do it a second time?

  2. There is nothing not to love about us bald guys! It is guys with hair that you have to watch!

    When I read your post the other day I knew it would be a misunderstanding that had fuelled it. You two are, obviously, crazy about each other. In the midst of a crappy week you’ve just made me smile!

    So, glad that you’ve sorted it!

  3. I do the same thing, honey.

    And it’s really not fair to my man. HE’S the one who keeps the faith when I don’t. He’s had 2 failed marriages and still believes in us. Maybe he thinks about bolting sometimes too but he never says it, he never shows it. But me? Fear oozes when I feel like that and he can tell.

    Sucks, doesn’t it?

    Ahhh, those guys are so worth it. I just wonder if you and I have a hard time buying in wholeheartedly because we would really prefer a normal, see-him-everyday kind of relationship or even marriage? Or is that just me? When I think of the calm I felt during certain parts of my marriage, I wonder if that’s what it is. I feel that calm when I’m with Rascal, I know that for certain. Guess it’s just hard to hold on to when we’re traversing life (mostly) alone. Just my thoughts.

  4. So glad things got resolved. You two always find a way to get through to each other, even during blowouts or misunderstandings. That’s what matters. You guys are my inspiration!

  5. I just plain love you two. Separate, together, separately together.

  6. When I read about you and CBG working things out calmly. It gives me hope. I have the hardest time opening up and talking about how I feel with BLT when I’m hurting.

    I need to see how other people do this successfully. I’m glad you’re so open about your struggles and sucesses too.

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