Loneliness

Part of the cold, hard reality of being in a long distance relationship is that you’re going to end up feeling lonely a great deal of the time.

I’ve been struggling with that a lot lately. Because not only am I a part time girlfriend, I am also a part time mother. I feel like I have way too much time on my hands where I am neither of these things. Time that I spend alone, doing close to nothing. Time that I waste.

I’m not doing a very good job at pursuing friendships lately. There’s something about getting burned by people in a big way that makes you a little nervous about opening up again. In terms of friendships, after the last two years or so of my life, I feel fairly traumatized. It’s tough to take a leap of faith with people.

I’ve also noticed that it’s more difficult making friends the older I get. It seemed to be a whole lot easier when we were in school, didn’t it? All I had to do was get my mom to phone her mom and set up a playdate. Easy as pie. Not so much whenย  you’re 36.

Of course, not pursuing friendships doesn’t make the loneliness thing a whole lot better, now does it?

I know that I need to start putting myself out there. I need to pursue friendships. I need to find some things that interest me. I need to start having some fun, dammit! Of course, it’s a whole lot safer to stay holed up in my apartment on my “off” nights.

And quite frankly, life is starting to scare me more and more.

8 Responses

  1. Why not take the opportunity to do YOU stuff? TV shows you’ve never seen on Netflix or Hulu? Hot soak in the tub w/glass of wine and candles? Read a book? Things that define who YOU are outside of girlfriend/mother. You’re still an individual person. What do YOU want to do? Knit? Draw? Write? Discover Geocaching?

    In all honesty, I’d LOVE that alone/down time if I ever could get some. The peace and quiet, the moments to just hear my own thoughts (yeah, I know that’s not always the best but hey!).

    Rememeber who YOU are and that’s what you should celebrate in those times. You are never alone when you’re with yourself. ๐Ÿ™‚

    xxoo

  2. First of all, big, big hugs. Loneliness is, well, lonely.

    Second: Use some of your time to volunteer.

    Christmas is in two months. Charities and their respective events and fundraisers will be ramping up to help those in need. Want to meet good people? Volunteers are good people. They devote their time, energy and spirit to something they feel passionate about. Most of the ones I’ve met have come out of the darkness themselves, having overcome many obstacles in life. They’re the survivors; the ones who know you have to live outside of yourself to really LIVE, and not simply exist. If we make it solely about us and our little world, it’s a lonely place. People who volunteer make it about others, and giving of ourselves is a great way to get so much back. And many of them make good friends ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t volunteer 24/7, but I am active at two schools and my community association. If I had more time, I’d see how I could help the local food bank, United Way, or something even bigger, like Unicef.

    Not that I’m telling you what to do, but I think this could be something that would bring a lot of joy and meaning to those times when you are by yourself. You won’t be “wasting” the time, but instead using it to grow and to help. Time well spent ๐Ÿ™‚

    Lots of love, Momma S!

  3. Yep. And again, if we lived in the same town….

    We could always Skype, ya know? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. To The Maven,
    Hey you have inspired me….I must start getting into volunteering this year,no excuses.Sounds like a great idea.

    Momma S-I too am having same problems.Much harder to make friends ar middle age and much too easy to stay home with a glass of vino and the computer .tv or a book….alone.

    This year I want to step out of my comfort zone, meet new people and…volunteer!

  5. It is an effort to keep friendships going and foster new ones. I totally agree! And I concur with T – there’s always Skype! would be a fun convo to get a bunch of us all chatting, right?! Over wine, virtually!

  6. Life is hard but it is also short. Enjoy it – no matter what you do. Try not to look back and worry that what you’re doing isn’t worthwhile.

    That’s what I aspire to anyway!

  7. Think we all have been there …. I am guilty of the lone feeling too,….its creeps up on you.
    life gets us single moms so busy and when months go by and i look around and think- wow I need to catch up on me time -its been way over due. and sometimes friends forget I exist….as they are busy too…its all about balance, hang in

  8. Mommasunshine! Fret-not.
    My intended is in the Ukraine and I am in the US..if not for SKYPE and majicjack we wouldn’t have lasted since late May wehn she found me on the site that we both were registered!
    While I am trying to raise the money necessary to travel to MIRL for the firest time ASAP, I urge her to get a creative hobby ( so far, You Tube she likes – I turned her on to it) to help with the impatience. Afterr I pay a tax debt (uncle Sam hold us hostage I found out if they can dig up a debt from way back when that you didn’t know about) I hope to get my passport, and all of this anticipation we can laugh about in our rear-view mirror. She is also a “part-time mom” but her son is in his mid-twenties. I don’t thenk she thinks of herself as a part-time girlfriend – she is FULL-time on my mind.
    Keep your heart UP.

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