CBG and I decided that instead of a “regular” weekend next weekend, he and Ankle Biter would come here this weekend for our first “family weekend”. This has been something that we’ve talked about for a while now, about how we’d like for him and Ankle Biter to start spending some weekends with the girls and I now and then. Since the kids got along great over the summer while we were on vacation, we decided that it was time.
It was an interesting couple of days.
To be honest, I’m still processing much of it.
In some ways, it was really good. We went on some outings and spent some good family time together and even got to spend some time with friends that we don’t get to hang out with very often.
In other ways, it was really frustrating. Ankle Biter is very different from my girls. He has been raised differently. He reacts in different ways. CBG handles things with him differently than I would, if he were my kid. I’m totally not being judgmental about it, just saying that it’s frustrating dealing with someone else’s kid sometimes.
In other ways, it was disappointing. Because we were all together like this, I feel like I missed out on both the best of things with just CBG and I, and the best of things with just the girls and I.
It was also very tiring. I’m not used to being both “the little woman” AND “mommy” at the same time. It’s really difficult making that transition once the lights go out, know what I mean? And on top of everything else, I feel like I spent the majority of the weekend doing dishes and cooking….food that Ankle Biter wouldn’t eat.
I honestly don’t mean to sound ungrateful – because I’m really not. It was wonderful having everyone all together and feeling like a “real” family. I know that if it were something that we did on a regular basis, we’d get used to it pretty quickly. But as it is, my life feels like I’m constantly transitioning from one thing to another…between my girls, work, and being a long-distance girlfriend, my life feels so broken up into little choppy bits, never really comfortably flowing from one thing to another.
I spent more of the weekend feeling anxious and irritable than I would have liked. I just wasn’t able to enjoy my family the way that I wanted to.
I know that at least part of it is that I am resisting. I am resisting what my family (and my life) is, because I am too busy wishing for it to be something different. And I know that until I am to do that, I will never be able to be truly happy with what I’ve got.
Because there is always something more to wish for, now isn’t there?
Filed under: Ankle Biter, CBG, evil stepmom, family, Getting it off my chest, mom stuff, the girls | Tagged: blended families, canadian bald guy, change, family, kids, life, long distance relationship, singlemom |