Life Lessons: Know When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

Part of not being codependent with the person you’re in a relationship with is to know when NOT to get involved in their stuff. That one is particularly tough when the person you love is being made miserable by their ex-spouse.

In the past week, both CBG and I have had to deal with run-ins with our ex-spouses. When it’s been happening to the other person, we’ve each had to overcome the urge to get involved. Yesterday was tough for me, since CBG was getting verbally cock-punched by his ex-wife for trying to express some boundaries and open up a dialogue with her about their son. It’s hard to sit back and just be a witness to that. But I know that opening up a can of whoop-ass on her would only make the situation worse, and really wouldn’t change anything that this woman thinks, except perhaps make her think even less of him, and likely me as well.

And so, I sit back, tongue bitten so hard that it’s practically bleeding, knowing that this is something that CBG has to handle on his own. But what can I do? I can love him. I can keep having faith in him. I can reassure him. I can help him to keep a clear picture of himself and his parenting. Beyond that, the rest is up to him.

But what I wouldn’t love for twenty minutes alone in a room with that woman…

7 Responses

  1. Uh huh. That’s how I feel about Rascal’s ex too. But instead I sit back and listen to him… and smile when he says, “I’m sooooo thankful that YOU’RE not like her!”

    They make us look good, amiright? 😉

  2. Oh goodness, this post definitely made me laugh a little. I know exactly what you are feeling! All of the things you could tell her, I’m sure you have some pretty good dirt on him! Keep up the good work! If your interested in life lessons and learning, you should visit my blog sometime!!

  3. Wow– 45 comments on your last post! You went viral!

    20 minutes alone? Is that enough time to eviscerate your bf’s ex?

    I like T’s perspective: compared to the ex, you are a ray of sunshine. Each new crisis with her increases your stock.

    • Yesterday’s post got randomly promoted on the front page of It’s great for the old blog stats. lol Hopefully it’ll result in some new readers!! 🙂

  4. I hear you!! It’s hard to keep your mouth shut but sometimes it really IS the best course of action!

  5. Ex’s can be funny things. Mine is as mad as a box of frogs who likes nothing more then belittling me in front of the kids. Fortunately, her new partner realises that this is in no ones interest and now conducts the handovers and we have no issues.

    It is strange that I’ve grown to really like the person my ex-wife had an affair with.

  6. I battle with this alot – I try to keep quiet and then end up blurting everything out!

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