Overwhelming-ness

The work day yesterday ended on a bad note. The day itself was fine. I think I’m going to fit in okay there, given time, and that I’m really going to enjoy the work and even excel at it. It’s a good fit for me.

The problem came with the commute home.

I’ll spare y’all the gory details. The short version is that due to a traffic accident and some crazy-ass traffic, I ended up walking. In high heeled boots. For an hour. I even had to phone my ex, in a panic, to go pick up the girls from their after school child care program when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to make it in time.

Um…yeah. Nothing like having to ask my ex to rescue me.

When the girls and I finally arrived back at my place, I was absolutely hobbling because of my feet. High heeled boots and dress socks don’t make for very good walking conditions. I have the blisters to confirm it, in fact. We arrived home a full 45 minutes later than usual, and then I was left with scrounging up dinner, making school lunches, cleaning up, helping with homework and doing bedtime routine.

And of course there’s also the issue with my neck. It’s a bit better than it was on the weekend, but it’s still adding to the list of things that’s weighing me down right now.

Oh – and did I mention that I’m PMS-ing as well?

After the girls were fed, lunches made and the kitchen cleaned, I began feeling particularly overwhelmed. I could feel the tears building up, but didn’t want to give in to them.

Kiddo, being the sensitive soul that she is, sensed my need, and came over to hug me. She sat on my lap and wrapped her arms around me.

And then the tears came. Holding her sweet little body against me caused the floodgates to open.

She rubbed my back. “It’s okay, Mommy.” She told me.

“I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed tonight.” I explained.

She held my face in hers. “It’s okay, Mommy. It’s only your second day at your new job. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.”

This caused even more tears.

She held me again, tight against her. “It’s okay….just let it all out…you’ll feel better.”

I entertained the tears for a few more minutes, but then cut them short. I hated putting her in the position of having to comfort me like that. After all…that’s supposed to be one of my jobs for her. I don’t want to be one of “those” moms. I don’t want either one of my kids growing up feeling like they ever had to parent me. That’s not their job.

But still…it was nice to have those little arms wrapped around me like that.

So that’s where I am right now, folks. The job is good, but I’m just feeling overwhelmed with the details of life. The commute. Finding a routine. Creating a “new normal” (yet again). I’m feeling impatient and frustrated, even though I know that this will pass, and that life will find its own rhythm again. I need not to fight against the current, but instead, find a way to make the current work for me. But first, I need to figure out exactly which way the current is flowing, assess the dangers ahead and plan for them.

Maybe someone could toss me a lifejacket or somethin’?

9 Responses

  1. Hey–it’s okay to be overwhelmed once in a while! My suggestion for the commute: pack a pair of tennis shoes for the to and from, then change into the stylish boots (or shoes) once you get there. It looks dorky but it’s much more comfortable. And I wouldn’t worry about having to ask your ex for help. I don’t see it as him rescuing you. You were in a jam, he helped you out. Wouldn’t you do the same for him or for a friend?

  2. *Lifejacket*
    It’s always OK to ask the ex to help you with the kids…they’re his too! It’s OK to lean on friends, too, when things are going crazy like this. The way your girl behaved is a testament to you…you’re a good, supportive mom and she was emulating what you’ve done for her.
    *hugs*

  3. Sweet baby girl!!! I love when my girls do that for me. She’s just emulating you, you know that, right?

    You’ll be fine. Just lie back for a while and let the current take you. You’ll be able to go with it much easier soon.

    ((hugs))

  4. What an incredibly sweet little girl you have! πŸ™‚ You should be proud πŸ™‚

  5. I agree here, your ex did not rescue you, he helped with his kids. And yes yes yes to either shoes or even ballet slippers for those unexpected times when you might need them instead of heels.

  6. It’s a testament to your nurturing side that your daughter was able to give some back to you. And it’s okay to get a little love back. It teaches her empathy and that you are human, too. Sounds like you’re doing a fabulous job with some fabulous kids πŸ™‚

    I hope you feel a little less overwhelmed today, my friend. xo

  7. Wow, you have an amazing child. She’s learning how to be a great friend and support system. That’s certainly a reflection on you.

  8. How about some swimmies? Those little arm thingies for kids when they swim? Would those work? πŸ™‚ And I agree, your kids are awesome. I LOVE that she did that for you!!

  9. aw man! Days like this suck! Traffic is a KILLER!!

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