There is nothing worse than living in chronic physical pain.

In 1994 I was in a terrible car accident. Country roads, high speeds. I didn’t see stop sign at a notoriously dangerous intersection. The car I was driving was hit on the passenger side by a very large truck, and then we hit a tree head on.

It was one of those accidents that when you see the photos of the wreckage afterward, you are amazed that people lived, let alone walked away.

The guy I was dating at the time had a broken collar bone and some cuts and bruises. That’s all. I had whiplash and cuts and bruises as well.We were extremely, extremely lucky. The man driving the truck that hit us wasn’t injured at all.

But since then, it has been a classic case of my neck and upper back “never being the same since”. I go through periods where I have “flare ups” and my neck and back hurt constantly. In the past, I have tried physiotherapy and massage therapy. Both only help to a certain extent. Since the accident, I haven’t reached a point in the 16 years since then where my neck felt completely and totally “normal”. I am always in one stage or another of discomfort, pain and/or reduced mobility. And frankly, it sucks.

There are things I know that make it both better and worse. Stress is a big negative factor. Not getting enough exercise is another.  Generally things like hot showers, stretching, yoga, and getting lots of exercise helps keep my body feeling pretty good. In the last couple of years, despite the amazing amount of stress I’ve been under, my neck has been surprisingly good. Or rather – had been.

The past month or so has been bad. My neck is stiff and sore most of the time. The past week however, has been BRUTAL. I’m reaching a point of frustration where I feel like nothing helps. I am negative, discouraged, and even angry about it. I hate that I feel like my body is letting me down. I hate not knowing how long the pain is going to last. I hate worrying that it’s going to get even worse. I am angry that this pain is affecting my daily life to such a degree.  It’s amazing that chronic pain can affect one’s life like this.

I’m trying to remain positive, because I’m sure that negativity isn’t helping my physical self. But after this much time, that positivity is tough. This morning I am feeling more down than I have in a very long time…and I know that it’s my physical self to blame. And that’s the part that makes me most angry of all.

9 Responses

  1. That’s a really tough situation to be in. I’m so sorry for your pain.

    Since the incident last year my shoulder has been in pain almost daily. I understand what you’re going through,or at the very least I can sympathize.

    I hope you’re feeling better really soon.

  2. I’m so sorry … and you know, of all people, I truly understand. When pain flares it’s next to impossible to focus on anything else. I hope things improve for you soon and in the meantime I send many, many, virtual hugs! xo

    • Thank you. I was thinking of you when I wrote the post…because I knew that you could relate. Even worse than the physical pain is how much of a mental and emotional strain it is.

      Thanks for those virtual hugs! 🙂

  3. Girl I feel you and understand how frustrating it is. I hope that this period is short lived.

  4. I am so sorry. I understand it’s hard to live in chronic pain. It’s difficult to concentrate on anything…let things go, i.e. housework, etc. Eat cereal for dinner. Just get through and rest as much as possible if you can. *hugs*

  5. I’ve occasionally injured my back which has resulted on on-going pain for a few weeks but nothing like what you’re describing here. That would really grind me down.

    Maybe with the new job that you enjoy, there’ll be less stress and it’ll help make you feel better.

  6. That sucks…I cannot imagine what chronic pain is like. I have experience short-lived pain, but I am sure that what you are going through can really get you down. Should you see a dr since it has flared up? Maybe there is something new going on, or something that can be looked at. I hope you feel better soon!

  7. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this pain, I am sure its not easy or fun at all…. (((hugs))) love you girl…..

  8. Ugh. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be, when it comes back and that kind of pain is hard to ignore! XO!

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