A Message for CBG


Thanks a lot for making the first few days of our two week stretches apart even more difficult. All those loving words, displays of affection and showering me with appreciation when we are together really don’t do anything to ease the loneliness when you’re not around. Sure, I’ve got all those great memories of the fun things we do together – movies, sunrise dates, dinners out, napping, laughing, lovemaking…but memories sure as shit don’t keep me warm at night.  And they damn well don’t dry the tears I find myself sometimes shedding despite every effort I make not to, either.

A suggestion for you: How about on our next visit together you do things a little differently? Maybe instead of waking me up with a gentle kiss on the shoulder and a “Good morning, Beautiful”,  you could break wind loudly and toss the blankets up over my head. Instead of thanking me for every little thing I do for you, you could start listing all of the things that I don’t. Rather than complimenting me and telling me how beautiful I am – every single day – maybe you could suggest the latest fad diet because I’ve “started to chunk up a bit”.

And another thing. Do you really have to be on the same wavelength as me so much of the damn time? Do you honestly have to read my mind and crack the same jokes as me so often? Would it kill you to give me a blank stare and shake your head in disgust?

Because honestly, all these goodbyes, all this time away from one another would be a whole lot easier if I were actually glad to see you leave.

Try to work on that, would ya? Next time – instead of sweet nothings, think of that fart blanket over the head.

Really – it’s for my own good.

10 Responses

  1. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this.


    You are indeed lucky.

  2. LOL, that is good!

  3. I promise to try to be a douchebag next time.

    No guarantees, though.


  4. What a bastard.


  5. LOL!! that was such a riot – loved it. CBG – you need to add a little douchebaggery to your visits, apparently 😉

  6. Very funny.

    I’m afraid not even the fart blanket tactic would work, since it appears that your dreamy boyfriend farts rainbows and muffins.

  7. Blimey, if he can’t even be bothered to get the basics right surely there is no future for the pair of you!

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