Bye Bye Babies

I always thought I’d end up having three children. Somewhere in the back of my mind, three was the number that always stuck with me.

My ex had a vasectomy after my youngest daughter was born. He was the one pushing for it more than me. I was sad at the idea, but accepted that it was likely better for our family that we stop at two.

When my ex and I broke up, I wondered what the future would hold in terms of children for me. I thought about how maybe I’d end up with that one more baby like I’d always dreamed that I would. When I met CBG, he was adamant – no more children. I knew that right from the get-go. It wasn’t much of an issue for me at the time, because I wasn’t in any position (mentally, emotionally or financially) to consider having another child. As time went on, I realized that having another child just wasn’t in the cards for me.

CBG talked vasectomy. I encouraged him to go through with it. He slacked. I hate being on the pill. And so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I’m an independent woman, aren’t I?

This afternoon I am having it done – my tubes will be tied. I have mixed feelings about it, to be honest. On the one hand, I know that I am done. Having another child just isn’t practical for me. My job situation is unstable. My partner lives 267 kilometres away. My own two girls are getting older. I’m not getting any younger myself. Having my tubes tied makes sense.

And yet still, a small part of me will grieve the fact that never again will I nurse another baby. There will be no more slobbery baby kisses, no more middle of the night snuggles. No more celebrating victories like rolling over and standing up for the first time. Although I know that it isn’t the case, a part of me feels like I am losing something.

But then….I stop and look at my two little girls, my wonderful man, and my two almost step-kids, and realize that life is pretty freakin’ fantastic just the way it is.

* * * * *

Oh – and while you’re at it – would you mind sending a little prayer off for me, for those so inclined? I know it’s a minor procedure and all, but still…I’m a little nervous about it.

15 Responses

  1. Good thoughts your way. I’ll be thinking of you today.

  2. Sending love and prayers and hugs and kisses and a nice, warm snuggle. xo 🙂

  3. Wow – good luck, I am thinking of you!! and will say a prayer as well. XO!

  4. Good luck! I’m in a weird position. I can’t be on birth control pills and a year ago I had an IUD put in. I’m having issues with that because my body’s not tolerating it. Right now my only other option is possibly getting my tubes tied. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the finality of it all but it’s getting closer. Sending you warm thoughts today.

  5. You got it—thinking of you today! I had mine done and I so don’t regret it. The post-partum depression was really the reason behind it but I knew that I didn’t want more with my Ex and he was lazy about getting the vasectomy himself. Not being on hormones was exactly what my body needed! Good luck!!

  6. Prayers for sure. Been there, done that. I have no regrets.

  7. I don’t pray, but sending positive energy your way. Good luck!

  8. Good for you and good luck!

  9. Lots of Hugs.

  10. ah, i have these same feelings. i always, always planned on three kids. and it doesn’t appear to be in the cards for me. i’m not dating at all, but i’m planning to get an IUD soon anyway. i guess a tubal is too final for me. even though i know almost certainly that i won’t have another baby, having that door closed forever is scary. i am happy with my two girls, and i relish the increased freedom i have as they get older. it is sad, to move past the baby time of life.

    i hope it goes really well for you!

  11. I hear you on this. I have an IUD now, and when it’s time to take it out in 2 years, I plan on getting the Essure procedure done. I’ve gotten some slack from some people, but they just don’t understand.

    1.) I’m happy with just my two girls. 2.) I am terrified of ever having to deal with another ex, like the one I have. One is enough, I don’t need two.

    Anyway! Rest up, take care, and I hope your recovery is 100% uneventful!

  12. enjoyed your post today on Real World.
    Hey, having kids is totally a personal thing. No one can make the decision for you regarding when and how many,
    I had 5.
    yup , love them all, but I was done and had my tubes tied.
    best thing ever…..when you know you’re done.

  13. As women, I don’t think it matters how many children we have, we’ll always miss those we didn’t have…and who can resist the smell of a new baby!!!

  14. […] I am at home, recovering from a tubal ligation. No more babies for me. I feel like this is another new chapter for me. A new chapter of independence, strength, of taking […]

  15. […] like crazy. Get back to running again, which I strayed away from during vacation and because of my tubal. My apartment desperately needs some major organization. CBG’s birthday is coming up. I have […]

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