One thing that I really hate is that feeling of being disappointed in someone – in their choices and their behaviours. Today I am feeling that bitter sting of disappointment in a person who I once considered to be a very good friend. This person let me down in a very big way during one of the most difficult periods of my life. I have, in the past several months, been willing to attempt some sort of ‘reconciliation’ (or at least allow for the possibility of coming to a greater mutual understanding). Today I discovered that this person either isn’t interested or isn’t capable of reaching that point. My instinct to be wary with this individual was completely spot-on, because it has been proven to me that completely handing over my trust would have been an error in judgment.

When I stop to think about it, though, the reason why that feeling of disappointment exists is because I have placed expectations on that person. It doesn’t matter if those expectations are reasonable or not – it matters more whether or not those expectations are based on the reality of who that person is, and how they have chosen to behave in the past.

Is it wrong to expect more from someone than they have been able to provide in the past?

It goes along with that saying, “The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour”. That’s not to say that people can never change, because I have seen it in action – hell, I’ve experienced it to be true for myself. So people can and do sometimes change. However, I have learned an important lesson today – it is dangerous to either remain in a situation or go into one expecting change. Until a person has provided solid proof that they have indeed changed, it is best to proceed with caution. Choices regarding an individual should be based on what you know about a person for sure – not what you hope to be true.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Maybe the greatest disappointment I’m feeling this morning is in myself.

10 Responses

  1. I can relate. Perhaps a lot more than I would care to admit to people I know personally. But yes, disappointment is not an easy emotion. Simply because the reason behind the disappointment is the expectations we unknowingly or otherwise put upon someone with or without their consent. Many times in my life, I ended up being disappointed with someone- but the bottom line is, I ended up disappointed in myself more.

    • I realized today that sometimes I form expectations without even realizing it, which is what I did in this particular case.

      I am more disappointed in myself than anything. But apparently this was a lesson that I needed to learn.

  2. I hope that you get over this and that the smiley Momma Sunshine can come out to play!

  3. I can totally relate to this too – and I firmly believe though, that friends come and go in our lives for the right reasons (I posted a poem on friendship this weekend that you can probably relate to right now too) and I also think we can outgrow friendships for reasons like this. I’m sorry for the dissapointment and it totally sucks…especially when you’re a good friend to them and don’t get that returned.

    • Jolene, I agree completely. I don’t think that there are many friendships that are meant to last a lifetime.

      And even though this friendship has ended, I am still learning valuable life lessons.

  4. We should not expect anything from anyone. We should love and accept people the way they are. We will always be disappointed if we expect things from others. It’s a hard habit to break and a tough lesson to learn. But once we learn the lesson and grasp it, we are so much better off.

    • It’s difficult sometimes when those expectations that we place on others seem so basic. I agree with you, though, that we need to accept others just as they are.

  5. I’m going to go in a different direction on this one.

    I’m sorry that your friend has disappointed you. But I don’t think you should give up trust as your default position. I have often found that you need to have faith in your instincts, yes, but that people will often rise to the occasion when you let them.

    It’s a lesson I keep re-learning: that people are constantly able to surprise by showing a great capacity for caring, understanding, and helping if we let them. Not all people, certainly, and not every circumstance.

    I think it’s better to be disappointed from time to time than to be distrustful and isolated as a general rule.

    Just a thought.

    And PS: You and CBG continue to amaze and inspire me. You both rock, both as individuals and as a team.

  6. “it is dangerous to either remain in a situation or go into one expecting change”

    Very wise words…

    I think being aware of your expectations is a great start.

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