The Honeymoon is Over

It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday when I read CBG’s post.

All of this started – the bickering over petty little things – when he made the realization that he can’t move to my city next year like we’d been talking about.

For the last while, the plan has been that when Ankle Biter starts school next September, that would be a good time for CBG to move here to be with me to become an “every other weekend dad”. But CBG’s trip away last month showed him just how much he missed his little boy when he didn’t get to see him. He knew that moving away from him wasn’t a sacrifice that he was willing to make.

Of course I understood completely. I mean, his bond with his son is one of the things that I love and respect about him. If the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn’t consider leaving my girls. I supported CBG completely in that decision.

We didn’t really talk a whole lot about what this meant to our relationship. This meant committing to the long distance plan indefinitely. Before this realization, we’d be working on the assumption for a good long while that there was going to be a definite end to this. That made this a whole lot easier to bear in the meantime. When we committed to our relationship, it was with the expectation that the distance would come to an end at some point in the not-too-distant future. We moved forward based on that expectation. To have it suddenly yanked away from us, I think, left us both feeling vulnerable and questioning our choice to be together. After all, this situation really isn’t one that either one of wants.

I emailed CBG yesterday morning, outlining all of this, and explaining that if we’re going to make this work, then we need to re-adjust our expectations for our relationship. We need to accept the reality of our situation and find a way to be okay with it…otherwise this is never going to work. Instead of looking ahead at how much better life will/would be if we were together, we need to work on making our relationship as good as it can be right now.

It’s definitely not easy to let go of hopes and dreams and expectations when it comes to the person that you love. But if the choice comes down to being easy or having love, then I choose love. Every time.

As people have suggested to both CBG and I, I think that the honeymoon phase of our relationship is finally over. It was good while it lasted. We’re entering a new phase of our relationship, one that requires a little more effort and maintenance. That’s how relationships go, though….they should never stand still for long. Growth, change and realizations can be a very good thing.

11 Responses

  1. I wish all the best for you two-you make a lovely match from what we all can see!

    I have to say I admire a man who chooses to stay in the same city as his child,rather than leave him behind for love.I would have felt very sad for his child otherwise.And I am sure he wishes his other child lived in same locale too….And I love that you know you too could never move away from your kids for love.

    But it is a shame that you two live in diff cities-that is so tough and I don’t know how navy/army spouses survive so long apart.Distance can be managed or it can unravel things. You two seem mature and intelligent and I believe you can do the LDR.It’s a matter of if you are both on the same page or not.

    And hey to be honest, a LOT of my married friends would like MORE distance in their relationship and even would envy your solo time.So I guess in many ways we always think the grass is greener wherever we find ourselves…

  2. And thank GOODNESS the honeymoon is over. Now the real, long-lasting, TRUE love can begin.


    You got this.

  3. If it’s meant to be then you guys will work it out. I can’t blame CBG’s reasons for staying at all. Good luck to you both!

  4. I think single parent relationships are difficult and throw up surprises that you didn’t expect to counter (especially if you are parents first and foremost which you and CBG obviously are). My blogger girlfriend and I have just had the same realisation. I wish you both the best of luck. Out of interest how long did the honeymoon period last?

  5. I think you’re exactly right about renegotiating your relationship based on the now rather than what might be. It might take some adjusting to but I hope you both figure it out because it sounds like you have something worth keeping.

  6. “But if the choice comes down to being easy or having love, then I choose love.”

    Exactly. Like I wrote on CBG’s blog yesterday; you are fortunate to have that love despite the long distance and the struggles it can bring.

  7. At least guys are open and honest with each other. That’s what will help you the most! No matter how things turn out in the end.

    I wish you two the best of luck.

  8. I think you’re right. It’s a new phase, and it can be just as wonderful, but I think it takes more work.

    Is there any way you two could meet in the middle…both of your moving closer to each other, but not so far away from the kids other parents?

    Maybe it’s just going to take some creativity to work it out.

  9. I’m really enjoying reading your blog. I’m not a single parent, but my boyfriend is so it’s interesting to see another POV .

    I like what you said about the “right now” of the relationship. I’m always trying to plan ahead and get frustrated that my boyfriend is quite there yet.

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