Life Lessons: Don’t Poke the Cactus

So as you may have read, CBG and I had a bit of a communication breakdown the other night. Honestly? I think that the distance really added to the situation. As I said to him at one point, it was one of those things that could have been easily dealt with with a hug and a snuggle. But since we have 300 km separating us, that’s not possible…and so all I have are words to rely on. I think that being in an LDR requires that you pay more attention to your words (or lack of them). And you know what? Sometimes that’s not always possible.

CBG and I are still very much learning about ourselves, each other and how to be together. It’s only natural that we’re going to hit some bumps in the road sometimes. Every couple does at some point.

The important part that I’ve been thinking a lot about (thanks to Randomesq who took the time to help me see things more from CBG’s point of view) is that I was so wrapped up in what I was feeling, that I didn’t really stop to see things from CBG’s side of things. Which is interesting, because last fall I wrote a whole post about my own “Cactus Suit”. I wrote about how my exhusband would deal with my cactus suit by poking and poking at me until he finally hit the soft part underneath and everything came oozing out.

Was that what I was doing with CBG? Was I poking at him with the hopes of “breaking through”?

I certainly was poking at him, that’s for sure. But it wasn’t to help him to see the error of his ways or to elicit a certain response from him. It was merely because I wanted – so very desperately – for him to see things from my point of view. And instead of letting it go, or recognizing that maybe he just didn’t feel up to giving me anything, I kept at it.

Because I wanted what I wanted, dammit.

That’s easy to do in relationships, isn’t it? To keep poking at your partner when they’re not giving you what you want. Maybe if you jab them in just the right way, they’ll finally see things your way once and for all.

Geez. I spent 10 years in a relationship like that. I didn’t like being the poke-ee, and I certainly don’t want to be the poker.

One thing that I’ve always commended and appreciated CBG for is allowing me my space when my own cactus suit comes out. It comes out a whole lot less often than it used to…but when it does, it’s always to protect some hurt underneath. Sometimes we need to feel protected and safe…and the last thing we need is someone poking at us when we feel that way.

I should know better than to poke at a cactus. Someone always gets hurt when that happens. It’s a whole lot better to wait for the other person to just take that damned cactus suit off all on their own. Which I will hopefully be able to recognize and do in the future.

Hey baby…I’ll toss mine in the trash if you do, ‘kay?

9 Responses

  1. Just saw on your sidebar twitter the tweet about hot yoga expense.Ya know there are $5 classes on Fri and Sun nights?(Sun at 6 ,and Fri is later on?)

    I find even if I can get to one of those once every other week,itt feels good (but wish I could go three times a week-that would rock my world 😉

  2. Your post really speaks to me this morning because of things I have going on in my personal life. I have definitely been poking.

    Thanks for sharing.

  3. Oh, Halifax is offering a $40 month pass for new hot yoga people like us-wahoooooooo!!!!
    Tell your buddies!

  4. Well, I dunno darlin. I gave him some two cents about his damn two-word reassurance sentence. I just think, that yes, had you been in person it probably wouldn’t have been a POKE situation. But but but …

    DAMN. I think, and knowing me I could be totally wrong here, but yeah, he needed to be poked with a cattle prod on this one. 😉

    Much love Sunshine.

  5. My name is Tiffany… and I’m a Poker…

    I need to be more aware of this and but what I want on the back burner sometimes.

    God that’s hard to do sometimes.

  6. Wow, I read this post and think how true it is. I have been poking Casey when I should step back and it has brought nothing but heartache for the both of us.

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