Be Careful What You Ask For

In a conversation last night with my oh-so-wise sister, she pointed out something very important to me. I was whining about how much the long distance thing really sucks and she so eloquently reminded me of something significant. She said, “You wanted to learn how to be independent and self-sufficient. It’s not very fair that you’re complaining about getting exactly what you asked for in the first place.”

Well. That stopped me dead in my tracks.

She’s right.

And now I have to stop and ask myself how much of my current situation is simply the Universe responding to what I said I wanted to begin with?

* * * * *

Last night I got together with my exhusband to have a very long, very difficult conversation about old issues. Since we’ve been talking a lot more in the past couple of months, we have been able to take some very concrete steps toward healing old wounds between us. Wounds have been re-opened with the hope that we will be able to clean out the festering disease so that they can heal properly this time. It takes a certain amount of mention, emotional, and spiritual energy to hear someone tell you how much hurt you’ve caused them. And to hear them admit to and own all of the hurt they’ve caused you in return.

Our conversation went on for five hours. There was some laughter…there were plenty of tears. There was honesty, humility, friendship and compassion. The conversation even ended with a hug….something I never thought would happen in a million years. In fact, all of this is something that I thought would never, ever happen.

And now that is has…and put me in the middle of a mental, emotional and spiritual turmoil, I have to remind myself : I asked for this one, as well.

The biggest question I seem to be left with now is, “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME, UNIVERSE????”

6 Responses

  1. Ugh…

    I’ve just had some conversations with my friends about the whys and hows of how I always find myself in long distance relationships (always being the last 2) and whether I’m doing it because there truly are no guys I would be interested in within a 120 mile radius or whether or not I do it to protect myself from getting TOO close to anyone. The distance allows me to be emotionally connected to someone while not having the pressure of an “you’re at my house every day” sort of relationship. Since mine just ended I don’t know what to tell you but that I really understand the push and pull of loving someone far away. (I’ve challenged myself that when I finally decide to get out there and date I will limit myself to men in my state…. UGH)

    I’m also finally cleaning up the mess between my ex and I after our divorce 3+ years ago. There are some loose ends that need to be firmly tied together so that I can finally have a life. Not just A life but MY life.

    Good luck to you.

  2. Yep.

    I got nothin’ else. Totally agree.

  3. Don’t ya hate it (but love it) when sisters have such sage words of wisdom? 😉

  4. Umm, I have nothing. But I give you a big hug.

  5. Yeah. I made a wish. And Penny matched it perfectly.

    Penny, my soon-to-be-ex-wife. Argh.

    Wishing is dangerous stuff.

    Think I’ll keep my wishes simple for a while. Like… I wish for some happiness and good times for myself and all my friends. Best wishes to you and CBG, Sunshine!

  6. I’m sort of agreeing with your sister here. I love you Sunshine, and I love your blog, but sometimes, being the outsider that I am … I look at this man you have in your life and damn well *KNOW* it’s a love that most of us (okay me, really) WISH FOR. Dream about. Want.

    And you have it, but it just seems that sometimes, you’re more blue over what you don’t have.

    I know everyone is different, just my two cents here.

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