Stream-of-Consciousness

I got out this morning at 5:30 am for a morning run. That’s the second time this week I’ve been able to get out there, but I haven’t been doing nearly as well in the running department as I would like to.

One of the things I love about running is that when I’m out there, my body goes on auto-pilot and that I’m able to let my mind sift through the chattering thoughts in my head. I do my best to just allow my thoughts to go wherever they want to. I am often able to have important realizations or solve problems when I’m out there pounding the pavement. Running helps me feel so much more in touch with myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

There were a lot of things on my mind this morning.

  • I found out yesterday that my current job will indeed be ending at the end of September. When I was hired it was for a six month term, but was told there was a very real possibility that the person I am filling in for wouldn’t be coming back. Yesterday we were told that she’s returning after all….which means that as of the end of September, I’ll be done. Although it wasn’t necessarily unexpected, it’s still kind of a kick in the teeth. I know that ultimately I will be okay, but the uncertainty is tough.
  • Having faith is difficult for me. As much as I continue to work on this aspect of myself, I still find myself returning to doubtful mode more than I want to. Having faith in my own happiness isn’t easy.
  • I need to start pursuing my writing more. I have wanted to write since I was 10 years old. I have gone through periods when I’ve pursued it a little more than others (I used to write for a now-defunct website back in the late 90s, for example), but I have been lazy about this. I need to get myself out there more. I don’t want this to be a big regret that I one day look back on.
  • I’ve finally gotten back on the healthy eating and exercise wagon again. Yesterday I wore a pair of jeans to work that I haven’t been able to fit into in over a year. It’s a good feeling.
  • I’m feeling very independent lately. It’s hard finding a balance for me, when for so long I was overly dependent on my exhusband (for over a decade in, fact). It’s hard for me to figure out what is a healthy amount of independence in a relationship. I kind of think I might be swaying a little too far in the direction of independence, but since I have no healthy point of reference, it’s kind of hard to figure it out.
  • Tonight is my night to have the girls with me and I can’t wait. I’m more determined than ever to figure out ways to make our time together the most meaningful that it can be.

I’m not sure that I really got anything solved this morning when I was out there. It was more mulling things over rather than problem solving. But the good news is that I’m heading into today feeling in touch with myself and everything that’s going on with me. And at this point, that’s at least half the battle.

3 Responses

  1. That’s what I love about running too. I feel so much better when I do it because I can think about a lot of stuff.

  2. I just had this discussion the other day about running. It happens for me when I’m cycling or doing yoga. Running is not my favorite thing yet.

    You’ll find your balance.

  3. Sorry about the job. 😦 Hopefully something better will come up soon.

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