A Stepmom’s Aching Heart

When my ex and I broke up and I thought ahead to what life might hold in store for me, I have to be honest and admit that being a stepmom was never part of my plan. In fact, the very idea never even entered onto my radar. I guess at the time, I was just so focused on myself and on my girls, that I didn’t take the time to consider all of the possibilities for what “family” might end up being for us.

Meeting Ankle Biter wasn’t really a big deal. When we first met he was just three years old, not really that observant of the world around him, and some of the people in it. For me, small kids are easy. They’re pretty easy to win over and definitely easy to relate to. There aren’t any complicated emotions involved. They’re generally fairly accepting.

Last time I was with CBG for the weekend, we got to spend one of those days with Ankle Biter. We hung out, went out to lunch, went to the playground and just generally had a great day together. It was so much fun being able to spend time with him, bonding, getting to know him better. It made my heart ache for my own girls, though. I wanted nothing more than for them to be there with us, too. I noticed that felt little pangs of guilt, too, spending time with AB when I really wanted to spending time with my girls.

This stepmom thing is complicated. Even more so being in a long distance relationship. All of this would have been fine if only my girls could have been there with us, too. But sadly, they were 300 kilometres away. I struggled with feeling connected to CBG and Ankle Biter and not feeling disconnected from girls. Right now, with life the way it is, the two don’t get to exist together. I can love them all, I have more than enough room in my heart for that, but having them all together just isn’t possible for the time being.

Just another place that I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions….just one more thing that makes my heart ache these days.

3 Responses

  1. I definitely agree on the stepmom thing. I’m making a big assumption as to why you guys aren’t able to get all the kiddos together. I hope that is resolved soon.

    Its tough… and I find myself giving love and attention to Rascal’s boys when I don’t have my girls… then when I’m with my girls and his boys, I can feel myself favoriting my girls (of course!). It definitely leads to very confusing feelings on everyone’s part, I’m sure.

    ((hugs))

    It’ll get figured out in time.

  2. that is a tough one! BLT has a little girl, and at some point she will move up here and be with us. I have enough love for all of them, and it seems as though BLT and the girls are bonding well.

    Right now my heart is breaking for BLT, he has to be apart from his little one, and it’s so hard on him!

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