Last night was one of those nights.
I was still experiencing my post-weekend funk. It had rained all afternoon and I found myself having to come home – on my bike – in the pouring rain.
The girls and I arrived home, cold, wet, and tired. I still had dinner to cook and an apartment to tidy. Hell, I still hadn’t even unpacked after my weekend with CBG.
This was also the first evening I’d seen the girls since Thursday. It had been a long stretch, not being together.
I was feeling stressed and pressured. So much to do.
The evening was spent cooking dinner, trying to get cleaned up and organized a little bit, in between returning a couple of phone calls.
After dinner, while I was on the phone with my sister and cleaning up the kitchen, Kiddo came to me with a distressed look on her face. I knew something was up. I ended the phone call right away and sat with her.
“Mommy…I’m not feeling so good right now. I feel really small. I feel like [LittleMo] and I aren’t very important to you at all. We haven’t seen you in a whole bunch of days, and now you’re doing a bunch of other things instead of spending time with us. And it hurts my feelings.”
A knife to the heart, folks.
Dang. That’s what I get for encouraging my girls to use their words and communicate their feelings.
We talked for a while. I thanked her for talking to me about how she was feeling. I apologized from the heart. I explained to her where I was coming from (feeling stressed and overwhelmed about everything that I needed to get done). We then came up with a plan for how I could spend some time with them that evening – which included the girls helping me to clean up the apartment to allow me some more time to spend with them, both that evening and again in the morning.
I vowed to myself that for the next little while I was going to figure out my priorities and work on finding more balance in my life. It’s a good thing I’ve got a couple of really important people around who are able to help me out with staying on track.
I’m going to get it right some day, aren’t I?