Brain Dump

Life is hectic here lately, folks….so much going on.

My ex went from being a full time student to landing a full time job. What this means for me is that my morning routine has been completely turned on it’s head. It used to be that when I had the girls with me, I would drop them off with him in the morning and then head off to work (his school schedule allowed him to be the one to get them to school and preschool). And on the mornings when he had them with him, I got to have a leisurely morning to myself to get ready for work in peace and quiet without a care.

That has completely changed. His schedule has him arriving at work a good 30 minutes before me. So that means that every morning he now drops the girls off with me. I then have to drop my oldest off with a neighbour who takes her to school and then I have to burn it down to my youngest daughter’s preschool to drop her off (LittleMo walks while I push my bike). Then I peddle my ass off on my bike to work.

I am late every single day. Fortunately, no one at my work really notices, or particularly minds. Thankfully. Yes, my job is awesome.

Work is incredibly busy right now as well. We have a major fundraising event coming up next weekend that I have been quite involved with.  Working on this fundraiser involves me attending a late meeting every single Wednesday night. My job also involves lots of little odds and ends, which means that I’m constantly bouncing from thing to thing in the course of a single day. It’s hard to focus. I have a thousand things going through my mind at once when it comes to my work. Add to that the fact that I still feel a bit out of my element. I’ve only been in this position a couple of months; I am still very much learning the ropes. It’s only a 6 month guaranteed term, and I have a feeling that I won’t feel like I truly have a handle on things until it’s over. <sigh>

The ex and I have still been talking. A lot. It’s good stuff, lots of clearing the air and working to establish new, healthier roles with one another. We’re both working on rebuilding trust. It’s going to be a long road, I think, but I do believe that we’re on the right path. It is, however, completely and utterly exhausting. Not only are we trying to hammer out a new and healthy relationship, we are attempting to work on healing past issues from our marriage. It’s hard to find a balance there – giving this issue the right amount of mental and emotional energy. I still haven’t quite figured that out yet.

I thrive on lists. I make lists at work, lists at home. Lists to manage my lists. And still…I always feel like I’m running to catch up and I never quite get there.

Some days I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I truly have a handle on my life ever again. Because honestly? Most of the time this single mom thing seems to be getting harder, not easier.

Gah.

7 Responses

  1. it doesnt necessarily get “easier” but it gets different. as your kids get older they need different thngs and the bubble shifts. from physical having to run your butt offf for them to just wondering all the time if they arent kocking off liquor stores. (you get my meaning, although obscure)

    the good news is lady is htat you are a strong crafty and resilient woman – it seems stressful and crazy right now but you will figure out a way to make the morning even a little bit easier and more in the groove. i KNOW you will, its just feeling overwhelming right now cus its new.

    you may want to talk to you boss too – i know you said he/she doesnt care but if you specifically address it and discuss how you make up the time you wont feel like a Shit everytime you walk in 10 mns late. cus i know you.. even if you thought your co-workers were fine with it you would still break your neck all the way to work 🙂

    xoxo

  2. That’s a good point about talking to your boss now before he/she talks to you…even when you think they don’t notice you’re late, they often do. Be proactive!

    Sigh. I hear you on the getting to work on time struggle. HUGE problem for me. I figure it will change and get easier sometimes and harder sometimes. When B starts real school I’ll have to get him there by 7:45. That’ll be a change, but we have a full year to figure that out.

  3. I’m sorry, I have to laugh because I’d SWEAR that you and I are the same person. Sheesh!

    You know all of this is good, right? Its just different because its change. It’ll get easier once you get used to it.

    Then it’ll change again. Heh.

    Have a wonderful relaxing weekend!

  4. It might never get easier, but you will get better at handling the challenges thrown at you. Hugs, I hope that things start to calm down soon.

  5. I am a huge list maker. I could not function as a single mom of four w/o making lists for everything: grocery lists, school functions, appointments, chores, to-do lists for all of us… everything it seems is on a list somewhere in my purse!

    It sounds like you’re super busy, but in a really good, really productive kind of way. I’m happy for you! Your life is full, and rich, and your cup runneth over with positive things!

  6. I so hear ya! I’ve been slammed at work during the past 6 months of court dates and being new to the single mom thing. The one thing I’ve learned for sure, is the stop, breathe, and enjoy some down-time with the kids. I’m starting to learn to scratch laundry and cleaning off my list whenever it’s possible. Life’s just a little less hectic when you lower your standards just a bit.

    As for speaking to your ex, congrats, don’t think we will ever make it to that point. Thank the Lord he’s out-of-state!

  7. […] for the Brakes Posted on June 3, 2010 by mommasunshine As I’ve whined about recently, life is rushing forward at an incredible pace. I feel like I’m locked in a car that is going […]

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