Things I Would Say if I had the Chance

Dear CBG’s ExWife:

If I ever had the chance, there are a lot of things that I would say to you. I know that I will never actually say these things to you, because you will never ask for my opinion. So I will say them here, and put them out into The Universe with the hope that one day you will come to know them on your own.

It’s difficult knowing that you will never see CBG for the man that he is. Instead, you choose to see him either as the man he once was, or the man that you believe him to be. You need to take a second look, with your eyes wide open. He is a good man. He is a good man who loves his son tremendously and only wants what is best for him. His choices may not always be ones that you agree with, but he is doing the best that he can, and a damn good job of it, too. Just because you disagree with him does not make him automatically wrong.

Maybe you’re not aware of how much you tore him down when you were together. Maybe you thought that you were going to turn him into someone better. The truth is that you very nearly destroyed him…the very “CBG-ness” that I (and others!) love so very much. It’s a shame that you will never know him for who he truly is – you are missing out on knowing a wonderful person. Because the truth is that you continue to tear him down and shake him to the core, despite how hard he has been working for the past three and half years to prove that he is a good father who deserves your admiration and your recognition.

I hope that you are one day able to stop and appreciate what you have in an ex. There are so many dead-beat dads out there. There are so many men who don’t bond with their children, or pay child support, or help their exes more than they absolutely have to. CBG is not one of those men. You should stop to realize how bad it could be – it might help you to realize how good you actually have it. You have an ex who I have seen bend over backwards to ensure that things are kept peaceful and comfortable between the two of you. It makes me sad that you fail to appreciate this for the gift that it truly is.

One thing that frustrates me most of all in this whole situation is that it seems to me that you believe Ankle Biter is more your son than CBG’s. I’m a mom, too…I get it. I understand the mother-child bond. I understand worrying and wanting to make sure you’re in control of things, and giving that up, even to his own dad, is a tough thing to do. But I think that by handling the situation as you are, you are truly doing your son a disservice. Little boys need their dads. They need to have good, strong relationships with them. CBG can provide Ankle Biter with many things that you can not. You need to realize that AB having a good relationship with his dad doesn’t in any way take away from your relationship with him. If anything, your will one day admire you for being a strong and secure role model.

I understand that there were many hurts there between the two of you. After all, CBG is an ex for a reason. I get that. I just ask, for his sake, your sake, and most of all, AB’s sake, that you take a moment to put that hurt aside so you can see CBG for who he is – right now – a good man, a good father, and your ally in parenting. Please stop standing in the way of that.

4 Responses

  1. CBG is such a lucky man to have you on his side. There are so many times I wish someone would stand up for ME like you just did. I applaud you, and as a man I know in my heart what you just did for CBG has him fluttering in the heart. An acknowledgement of He is a GOOD MAN. Men have feelings too, and you just did a very good deed…… There are many men out here who love their children. I absolutely adore my daughter and in the 6 (almost 7) years of her life have never once missed or been late to an exchange nor failed to pay my child support. I pay my child support for my daughter whom I love, and do it willingly and voluntarily I might add (not court ordered). She is my heart.

  2. What a sweet letter, but the sad part is she will probably never care to see him any other way.

  3. I read CBG’s post regarding the hospital incident and I felt so bad for him and what he is going through with his ex. This was a GREAT post to follow up on the incident. I hope CBG’s spirits are lifted knowing he has someone who loves him and is there for him when he needs support. You guys seem like a really great couple.

  4. Wow.

    That’s an awesome letter. You go girl.

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