Difficult Goodbye

This time, we both cried during the goodbye.

That’s never happened before. Usually, CBG is “the strong one”, putting on a brave face, being tough, looking on the bright side. This time he was sensitive, vulnerable, and just plain sad. He didn’t even try to be the strong one.

We held each other in the longest, tightest hug and just let the tears come. Twice. Neither of us wanted to let the other go.

Damn…wasn’t it just a month ago that I wrote about the fact that the goodbyes felt like they were getting easier?

I guess it’s just going to be like that. Some goodbyes are going to be more difficult than others. This one will definitely go down in the record books as one of the tougher ones, for sure. I guess it was just a combination of many things…we’ve each had some difficult and emotional times between these two visits…CBG battling some of  his own demons, as well as coping with his son’s surgery. Then there was me and all the emotional crap that has been dug up from talking with my ex lately. It’s been tough for each of us being on our own without the other person there.

Then we had my birthday, which I’ll be blogging more about later…but it was absolutely fabulous. And just another confirmation of the fact that CBG knows exactly how to love me.

This weekend I kind of feel like we reached another level of intimacy. Issues got triggered, that could have easily led to a huge blow-up between us, but instead we were able to sit down and talk it out. That’s something that neither of us would have likely done in our previous relationships. I can certainly speak for my own past relationships and say that it definitely would have ended in a huge argument with hurt feelings. Instead, for CBG and I, it was an opportunity to dig deeper and talk about underlying “stuff”. And it was really, really great.

I guess sometimes with intimacy like that, it hurts more to let it go again. My world feels just a little bit emptier without him here than it did last week.

But…such is the way of long distance relationships. All I can do is wipe my tears, take a deep breath, and keep pushing onward…reminding myself that the hurt is absolutely worth the love that we have for each other.

7 Responses

  1. aww…so sweet, and it does seem as though you two are stronger and stronger each week, and that’s just well, amazing. So glad you had a fab birthday weekend!!

    • …there’s something about a man who is able to be vulnerable that really makes my knees weak. I fell even more in love with him than I was before. 🙂

  2. Aw. I just wanna give you both a big ole hug for that. What you have makes me smile really big.

    xxoo

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Momma Sunshine, Wendy Rawley. Wendy Rawley said: Difficult Goodbye « Sunshine on My Shoulder: I guess it was just a combination of many things…we've each had some … http://bit.ly/bZABD2 […]

  4. I know that has got to be hard. I would rather be in a good long distance relationship, than one that is right in the house with you, yet never talk. The loneliness of silence is terrible, to feel irrelevant. So, you should be blessed. Vulnerability is the key, let the walls down.

  5. […] always is.  Thankfully, it wasn’t as tough this time for either one of us as it was during our last goodbye.  I guess it will go that some goodbyes are just going to be more difficult than others. I can be […]

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