Trust

Trust is a huge theme in my life.

For any number of reasons, I’ve always had difficultly trusting people.

The biggest reason for this is that I have never really learned how to trust myself. I always put others ahead of me. I always substituted others’ judgment for my own. I believed other people’s assessments and opinions ahead of my own. I always allowed myself to feel less than other people, and since that was the case, well of course they knew better than me, didn’t they?

My 10 year relationship with my exhusband only deepened that belief in me. I always put his judgment ahead of mine. I always believed his opinion over my own. And if I didn’t right out of the gate, well, he made damn sure that I did by the time he was finished with me.

By the time I made the decision to end my marriage, I didn’t have a clue who I was. My self-perception was based purely on what other people wanted me to be and how others perceived me.

It’s a shitty way to live.

Over the past couple of years, I have been learning, slowly but surely, how to listened to the voice of reason inside me that I’ve ignored for so long. Learning how to trust myself is a process, and it’s going to take time.

But I seem to be getting signs that this is the right way to go. This morning I got this Note From the Universe in my inbox:

Sunshine, trust yourself.

Well, it doesn’t get any more blatant than that, now does it?

And so, I am continuing on my journey of self-trust. I truly believe that if I can learn to trust myself, my own judgment and assessments and instincts, then trusting other people will come easier, too. As that voice inside me becomes stronger, I won’t be substituting the opinions, wants, and needs of others for my own. I will more easily be able to call bullshit on someone else when it’s appropriate.

It all begins with self-trust.

4 Responses

  1. Amen.

    🙂

  2. Awesome! I can relate…. I have not reached your level yet, but I am trying. I have hope.

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Momma Sunshine. Momma Sunshine said: New blog post: Trust http://bit.ly/aIetPp […]

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