Motherhood

Last night my girls and I sat down for a little while and went through some old photos of when they were little. It made me feel both happy and sad to do that. I look back on the days when they were little and see how simple life seemed…and I long for that simplicity sometimes. I long for lazy days spent at the playground. I long for those chubby cheeks and slobbery baby kisses.

My biggest regret from that time in my life was the fact that I didn’t appreciate what I had. I was so wrapped up in it that it never occurred to me that this time was going to be so fleeting…and gone before I knew it. Life will never again be that simple. I will never again know the joy of nursing my daughter or hear wild toddler giggles from the other room.

The memories, of course are bittersweet…because even then, there was a sadness in me…a longing that I didn’t know how to address or make better. That lesson was still yet to come.

I wish sometimes that I could go back and visit that younger version of myself. I would tell her these things: worry about cleaning less – the mess will always be there tomorrow. Spend more days at the playground. Drink in the sweet smell of those babies…because they won’t always be this small. Don’t worry about how little sleep you’re getting…one day in the not-too-distant future, this will all be a memory. Don’t let this time pass by in a blur. Take more photos…some day they will be the only thing you have left.

Some day I know that I will look back on now with a similar wistful feeling to re-live these days. I keep that close to me these days. I try to spend more time being in the moment. I try to let my girls know every single day just how loved they are. I take photos like crazy. We dance. We play. We have “sleepovers” in my bed. We snuggle together watching movies and eating nachos. I am always aware that we are creating memories together…memories that will hopefully last a lifetime – for all of us.

I have a deep sense, that I didn’t have when they were little, of how precious our time together is. I will not squander another minute with these two wonderful little people who have helped my life have meaning. Motherhood has changed me profoundly. I am grateful every single day that I am a mom…and that I am their mom.

I’m not sure how the girls and I are spending Mother’s Day together this year. And honestly? It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that we are together….because I couldn’t imagine spending it any other way.

4 Responses

  1. Oh wow, this post and that last pic made me tear up.

    I had only JUST found out that my ex was having an affair when my little one was born. Her babyhood is such a blur…

    Thank you for reminding me to be grateful and cherish this.

    Happy Mother’s Day beautiful.

  2. i love this post. i have two little girls too, (4 and 1.5) and at times i can’t wait for them to get to be school aged so i can have a little more freedom. thanks for helping me remember how beautiful and fleeting this time in our lives is.

  3. A beautiful reminder!
    Happy Mothers Day!

  4. Sunshine, T, Danielle (and, for all I know, Christine):

    You are awesome mommies.

    Happy Mothers Day to you all!

    Love,
    A Dad

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