Re-Connecting

I wrote last week about feeling disconnected from myself and my life.

I was in such avoidance-mode, in fact, that I almost stayed home this weekend. I almost allowed the negativity to pull me down even further.

I thought about that. I thought about how the “old Sunshine” would have just laid down and allowed the darkness to wash over her and pull her down. She would have waited for someone to rescue her from those feelings.

But as I have said, time and time again, I am not that person any more. I reminded myself of this fact. And even though I didn’t particularly feel like it, I actively moved in the direction that I needed to move in order to feel better.

And guess what? It worked.

It’s not like this concept is a new one for me. I’ve been able to, in the last year, pull myself up out of my dark moods before – all on my own. It’s like I need a reminder every now and again that I actually can do it for myself…a chance to prove myself to me.

I’m thankful that I was able to put my crap mood aside so that CBG and I could have a great weekend together. One thing that I really love and appreciate about him is that he doesn’t expect it to be his job to “rescue” me. He gives me the space that I need to figure out and do what *I* need to do. He’s there for me…he helps me through the process…but ultimately I always know, at the end of it, that it was me who really did it. From someone who spent 10 years in a co-dependent relationship, this is so very important to me. One of the most important things, in fact…because it’s exactly what I need in order to find myself and do what I need to do for me.

And so it’s a new week. I’m going to be focusing more on myself and some personal goals. I still have stuff that has been stirred up that I need to deal with, mentally and emotionally, but I will get there. I don’t need to do it all at once, now do I?I simply need to have patience and understanding when it comes to me and my issues, and work through them at a nice, healthy pace.

Slowly but surely, I will get there.

3 Responses

  1. I have also taught myself to pull myself out of my dark moods and everytime I do it, I feel proud just like you.

    Well done to you 🙂

  2. I love it. I’m working on the same thing.

  3. I hope it all goes away.

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