I’m not sure what’s been going on with me these last few days. I’ve been having this odd sense of disconnection from my world. I’ve been going through the motions, without really feeling a whole lot one way or the other. I wouldn’t say that I’m feeling depressed, but I’m not particularly feeling a whole lot of happiness and joy either. I guess I’ve just been emotionally…flat.

Avoidance, I think. Avoidance of feelings and issues that I don’t want to deal with. A hornet’s nest of sorts has been stirred up in a corner of my brain – and frankly, I don’t want to deal with it right now. It’s tempting to just shut myself down and do only what I want or absolutely need to do…which is just what’s been happening the last few days. The girls have been with their dad and I’ve been in my own little bubble – work, home, meetings, bed, watching Six Feet Under on my laptop in bed. I just haven’t been actively engaging in my whole life as much as I should be.

This road is a dangerous one. It ultimately WILL lead to depression. I’ve been down this road before. For me, depression comes from not wanting to deal with the issues in my life that need to be dealt with. It’s avoidance of those things that I need to face. On the one hand, I know that there’s nothing wrong with mentally and emotionally “checking out” for a few days. We all need a break now and then.

But how do I pull myself out before it goes too far?

4 Responses

  1. Write a mantra…This worked well for me in these type of times. I wrote the characteristics of what I wanted to feel/act/know, with a meaningful sentence to follow. I focused on one thing a day, to concentrate on that one thing improving, and over time, I became my words…

    An excerpt from my personal mantra:

    Today I will strive to have:
    …Understanding of differing opinions;
    Pride in the words I say and the things I do;
    Serenity to accept failure AND successes and to move on with heads up calmness;
    Praise for OTHERS achievements…and so on
    (btw, the Praise one is the one that dramatically changed my life – focusing on other people’s goodness and expressing that out loud was very satisying to me, and I had no idea how much it would be)

    No one will ever be perfect, not one person can claim they have no inner work to do. Life is a journey of learning, and we owe it to ourselves to be students of the universe – turn the negativity into something good, which in turn will fuel others, becasue what we put out there is infectious!

  2. Maybe the weekend away will help. Maybe breathing in some fresh air, a good run, a quiet drive… I think you’re processing, not avoiding. Maybe?

  3. Can I say something that is kinda mean but has been said to me more then once. That avoidance doesn’t fix anything more often then not it cause more problems then dealing with the problem would have. So let’s but on our big girl panties and deal with, I am saying this to myself too since I need to hear just as much.

  4. […] Posted on May 4, 2010 by mommasunshine I wrote last week about feeling disconnected from myself and my […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: