Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby….

I never knew how important sex was to me until a few years ago.

It came to my attention during the time of my “inappropriate flirtation”. The thing that attracted me to this guy the most was how he allowed me to feel, sexually. I felt like I was waking up from a dream. I never knew that I could feel that way…both about myself and about someone else.

I don’t want to go into a lot of details about my marriage, but sex with my ex was complicated. There were ….issues there that prevented us from having a good, open, comfortable, exciting sex life. In fact, we reached a point where I completely resented him in the bedroom and sex, when it did happen, was mostly a chore. Because of his own issues and his inability (or unwillingness) to deal with them, I didn’t feel sexually safe with him by the end of our relationship. And well, I had basically given up this part of myself as a lost cause, because it had been a long time since sex was fun and exciting or interesting. We tried to spice things up in this department, but it never worked. It never worked and the resentment just grew deeper.

Then along came this other man and – BAM!! – it was like being struck by lightening.

I had no idea until then that I was such a sexual person. Hell, I didn’t buy my first vibrator until I was 33 years old, in the midst of this time period with that other man. I felt sexual, I wanted sex, just not with the man I was married to at the time.

Big red flag there, huh?

And then along came CBG. We had great chemistry right from the start. From our very first email exchange, I knew that there was “something” about him. There was a spark there between us, even just from the words on a computer screen.

And that first kiss? It was amazing. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other on our first date. We made out around the corner at the garage while buddy was changing CBG’s tire, for heaven’s sake! And it turned out to be way more than just first date excitement and anticipation.

Part of it has to do with me, I know. I am more sexually confident than I’ve ever been in my life. I know what I like. I know what I want. And dammit, I’m not too shy to ask for it. I feel safe asking for whatever I want from CBG, and talking to him about whatever I want to talk about, because there is a level of comfortability and sexual trust that I’ve never experienced in a relationship before.

Part of it is definitely CBG. Dude’s got some mad skillz. Skills that he puts to good use because he just seems to instinctually know what I want/need. And he’s not exactly shy between the sheets either. And…well…all I can say is damn.

Good communication is a big thing at work here, too. I think that we’ve both come to see how important sex is in a healthy relationship and we’re not willing to settle for less that that. No settling!! This is far too important for that.

I am (almost) 36 years old, and finally – finally!! having the best sex of my life. Best.sex.ever. CBG and I laugh sometimes at the ridiculousness of it, and the fact that the sex is still – even after being together for over  a year now – is getting better and better. I’m talking mind-blowing, I-think-I-almost-blacked-out-a-minute-ago kind of sex. The kind of sex that makes my neighbours hate me. Sex that makes me crave more.

Just one more thing that makes me look forward to our next visit together. ‘Cuz I just love how that man makes my toes curl.

11 Responses

  1. Oh la la. Isn’t that just the bestest thing in the world? When you think your eyes can’t roll any further back in your head and HOLY SMOKIES! Glad you have found yourself sexually, it’s very important.

  2. Oh, honey, together CBG and I have been finding things that I NEVER thought I’d ever even try, let alone LOVE….


  3. It is sad when we feel we have to settle because things in that area aren’t working….You are SO right in saying we have to be confident enough and know what we want/need and not be afraid to ask for it!

  4. I SO get this. I have always been a sexual person but I continue to learn more about myself. There is something to be said about a level of safety with someone else. I’m with you. I’m now much more vocal about what I want/need and much more willing to try things that I hadn’t tried before. Its a life-altering experience to have sex that good. Especially when it keeps getting better and better.

  5. Woot woot! I don’t even know what else to say other than woo hoo! lol

  6. That. is. awesome. (and I love how your blog posts totally jive, that is awesome too). I hope to capture something even relatively close to what you two share at some point in the not-too-distant future – you give me hope that I will 🙂

  7. I just kind of posted about this. I need to find my way sexually too and I am going to be 40 this year.
    I feel like I have wasted so much time.

  8. Every time, I give my better half the best two minutes of her life. I just wish she had a blog so she could rave about it……*sigh*

  9. Holy kamoley. Keep on shining Sunshine!

  10. I found this for the very first time this past year.

    I too am 35… I got married at 19 having never had sex with anyone else but my husband. I knew early on we weren’t exactly compatible, but he always made me feel like what I wanted and needed was odd or he just plain old said, “no” if I asked to try new things…so I stopped asking.

    And after 15 years, I had an affair. I asked for a divorce. I found myself sexually. I learned what I need, what I want, and what I’m not willing to sacrifice any longer.

    I’m now having the BEST, mind blowing sex of my life. My BLT and I have a total honesty policy and the trust and level of intimacy we’ve achieved is stunning. I didn’t even know I could have multiple orgasms! WHOOO HOOOO Baby!

    Sunshine, I often read your posts and think to myself, “gee…it’s not just me, I’m not alone” This is another one of those posts for me.

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