Tales From a Temp Job

So I’m still in this temp job. It was supposed to only be a month at most, and I’ve been there 6 weeks so far, and at least one more week after this one. I’d like to say that the job is challenging, interesting, fun, skill-building or anything other than what it is: a job. It’s a job that’s allowing me to pay the bills and keep my resume current and secure a good reference, so it’s certainly useful in all of those ways. It’s helped me to realize even more what I DON’T want to do with my life, which is also a very good thing.

It’s also providing me with some top-notch entertainment.

1. The place is a hot bed of “that’s what she said” opportunities. My favourite came last week when my coworker said, “I suppose I should put my muffin down and use both hands.”  I was taking a big swig of coffee at the time and almost lost it all over my computer monitor. I can’t help but think of CBG whenever they pop up. Sometimes I even fire him off an email, since I know he appreciates those moments as much as I do.

2. The new guy in the office lives in his parent’s basement. I shit you not. I had no idea that 30-something year old men actually did that anywhere except on bad sitcoms.

3. One of my co-workers, “Blondie”, drove almost literally across the street the store. Less than half a block. I guarantee you that she sat in traffic longer to get there than it would have taken to walk. Dude – seriously? The funniest part was that she bumped into me and and “new guy” there – we’d run across the street to grab a mid-afternoon treat. She actually seemed surprised to hear that we’d walked over. WTF?

4. Two nights ago I had a dream that another one of my co-workers was a zombie. I woke up right before the dream was resolved. I was still alive and I didn’t get time to kick any zombie ass. SO dissappointing. I have to admit that working alongside him the next day made me feel more than a little nervous.

5. I am a complete coffee snob. I like my fair trade organic dark roast – a lot. I thought at first that the fact that the coffee in the office flowed so freely would make up for the lack of quality. Oh how wrong I was. I can’t even begin to explain how awful it truly is. Fair trade organic it ain’t.

6. My boss has a nice butt. There, I said it.

7. I have been put on one of the most tedious, mind-numbing projects in the history of the company. Every day I sit there working on it thinking about how this is SUCH a waste of my talents. If only they knew what a superstar I really am. I’ve been reassured that this project is important in the overall future of the company and that I should feel proud of my contribution to it. I just keep plugging away thinking of ways that this could be done a whole lot more effectively. The only problem with that? No more job for me. So I just sit there working away with my mouth shut.

8. Superstars should NOT be penned into a cubicle.

9. Did I mention that my boss has a nice butt? I check it out whenever I can, but always feel guilty doing it. He’s just not a sexual guy…he gives off a vibe similar to a doctor or a children’s television show host. So I look and immediately feel like I need to go to confession. And I’m not even catholic.

10. Superstar.

4 Responses

  1. Supastah! I always like temping because even if a job sucked I knew I wouldn’t be on it forever. The variety was nice. Of course, I also got stuck in some places where I was very under-employed, and was more qualified for other jobs than the people who actually had them…but I also got to be Daffy Duck during one memorable temp job.

    BAD OFFICE COFFEE SUCKS. Our office has Folgers, which, barf.

  2. “Fair trade organic it ain’t.” AMEN SISTA! I too, am a coffee snob! LOVE that you are too!

    I would like to see picture of said butt. 😀

  3. lmao about your bosses butt.

    That just made me giggle like a school girl.

  4. I’m always looking for the opportunity to throw out a “That’s what she said”. I think “I suppose I should put my muffin down and use both hands.” may be the most perfect moment ever. I would have spit my coffee out for sure.

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