Counting My Blessings

It’s always interesting to me how The Universe so often finds ways of showing me what I most need to see, when I most need to see it.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks with CBG. We reached a point where we began to question whether or not we were going to be able to keep making this work. Not because of a lack of love or desire to be together, but just because of how difficult, logistically and distance-wise our relationship is. It puts an emotional and financial strain on both of us (and by extension our children). It’s just not easy.

Luckily, we  were able to snap out of that, after giving ourselves and each other quite a scare. But then, almost immediately afterwards, I found myself facing some of my own dark places inside. I shut down emotionally for a few days, and even lashed out at CBG when he tried to infiltrate my defenses. It took me a couple of days to haul myself out of that spot. It’s been a rough few weeks for me, for a lot of reasons. I guess it all just started to get to be too much.

Friday night, as  CBG was on his way to see me, I spoke with a friend of mine. She and I have had a bit of a tumultuous relationship over the years, but she is one of my oldest friends and I care about her very much. She had just found out, that very day, that the relationship she’d been in for the last 10 months was basically built on lies. Understandably, she was devastated. We talked for a little while but for obvious reasons she wasn’t up to discussing a whole lot. It’s just too devastating, too much. My heart literally ached for her.

When CBG arrived just a little later, I couldn’t even wait for him to get in the door before I threw my arms around him, blinking back the tears. I was filled with so much gratitude, so much love. Later, as we laid in each other’s arms, post-lovemaking, discussing what had happened to my friend, we were both feeling the same way – deeply, deeply fortunate. We looked into each other’s eyes and promised that we would never allow ourselves to be stupid again – because what we have is too special, too important. Having this  horrible thing happen to someone so close to me reminded me of that. I will never, ever take my happiness and the man that I love for granted. He and I have both been given a generous gift from The Universe, that we need to cherish and appreciate, even when it’s difficult.

Hell – especially when it’s difficult.

My friend’s pain and everything that she is going through (and will be going through for a long time) has only made me feel more determined to hang onto this beautiful and amazing thing that I have with CBG. He and I almost let that slip through our fingers – again.

It’s not going to happen ever again.

4 Responses

  1. All my best to you both! 🙂 -Pip

  2. You will stumble again but remember to come back and read this post. It will help to see how much you want to keep it real.

  3. I feel so fortunate to have my BLT and his love and acceptance of me, but at the same time I feel so very unlucky because I managed to fall for a man 1000 miles away.

    I’m glad you’re in a better place, and that you and CBG realize what you have is special.

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