Words

I am a keeper of words – a collector, if you will. Maybe even a hoarder.

I keep them all – good, bad, happy, sad, confidence-boosting, life-shattering. They are piled up everywhere. The biggest collection of all are the bad ones. They are the ones that don’t seem to want to go anywhere.

I collect them in all ways – in my head, on the screen, on paper, in books.

Words can build us up or mercilessly crush us. I keep both in my collection. I go back and pour over them from time to time. I ride the wave of emotion. I allow those words to wash me with joy or pummel me with shame and fear.

Some day, I will be ready to release some of what is in my collection. I will take the negative section of my collection, and let it go forever. I will start with the words on the screen, the ones I’ve tucked away in a far corner of my computer. Words given to me by other people – people who know nothing about me. People who, when they wrote those words, cared only about their own self-preservation and their own existence. People who heard mis-truths about me and chose to believe them, because to do anything else would be to have their whole world come crashing down.

Those will be the ones I will let go of first.

It’s coming  soon, because I am reaching the point where I refuse to continue allowing those words to define me. They were concocted by people who passed judgment rather than taking the time to understand. Those words are based on misunderstanding. They are based on willful self-deception, and in some cases, downright lies. They are not words that little represent the truth of who I actually am.

Next to go will be those negative words I collect on paper. Words that I write to myself when I’ve allowed the darkness to creep in. Words of self-doubt and uncertainty. Words that buy into how I allow myself to be defined by others. I will release those words next. I will no longer collect them on paper. I will stop giving them power by writing them down so they can stare back and mock me mercilessly. I will allow them to disappear like smoke.

Finally, the last to go, will be the negative ones in my head. This I know. Those will be the most difficult to let go of. They are the ones I’ve carried around with me for the longest. They were there long before any words given to me by anyone else. Those words are also based on willful self-deception – my own. These words in my head hold me back and hold me down. I’ve had them for a long time. I hoard them protectively, unwilling to let them go. They are my babies, the things I have carried with me for as long as I remember. They will be harder to release and will be the first to creep back if I allow them to.

This is what has to happen.

And throughout this process, as I let go of this particular collection, I need to start building a new one. A collection full of happy, positive, loving words. I do have them, as well, but they are lighter than air, and harder to hang onto. They will gain substance with time, as I pay more attention and gather them around me.  I will happy allow them to clutter my life, squeeze out all those bad words until there is no room for them anymore.

It’s time to begin.

10 Responses

  1. I just love these light and fluffy blog posts you write.

    Sorry, couldn’t resist!

    It’s the 6am wake-up! It does evil things to me!

    😉

  2. I guess I’m a collector of words too. I buy all my books and save them. I keep all important correspondence (a lot of it for legal reasons) but also because it’s documenting history. And some people I know try to re-write history. And my blog? Same thing. It’s my legacy; the good the bad and the ugly. In a way “putting it out there” is letting it go, at least for me.

  3. I too love words…

    I try to write out the bad ones and then release them to burn. Have you ever done that? A burning bowl ceremony?

    Check it: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/401436/the_burning_bowl_ceremony_a_new_way.html

    Remember, what you focus on grows.

  4. What a realizations to have, one that will be tough in the doing but once finished it will be an amazing feeling.

  5. I have some words for you…
    BEAUTIFUL
    FUN LOVING
    ADMIRABLE
    ROMANTIC
    AMAZING
    STRONG
    Keep these words close by, and remember them when the not so nice ones creep up on you!

  6. I am new to your blog, and I think I’ll be back often. I love that you are so honest and open, and you are ready to roll up your sleeves and really address the ‘deep stuff’ in order to genuinely be happy. So long as you continue to focus on letting the good words in, and letting go of the painful words (especially the words we tell ourselves), it will happen!

    Something that has been helpful for me is to surround myself with as many like-minded individuals as possible, in both my online and offline life. Although I can’t afford a life coach, there are many online that offer a lot of free inspiration, which I find… inspiring! I’ve also read a lot, especially Wayne D. Dyer’s books, that have been extremely helpful.

    I think the first thing you need to do is to shift your thinking patterns, and really dwell in a place of healthy self-love for a month or two, until you really start to feel it sinking in… and then when you have the courage, start to purge your collection of hurtful words. It’s extremely emotionally draining to revisit past hurts, and you need a significant amount of emotional ‘padding’ to get through it! When you fill yourself up with loving words, you’ll be ready to let go of anything that doesn’t reflect your true self, which is pure love.

  7. I have a word for you to add to your collection, Articulate.

    You have a lovely way of putting into words that are in my heat and sometimes heavy on my heart. Those things that rattle around and for some reason I can’t find my voice yet to give them life of their own.

    You say the things I’m often thinking. You are articulate.

  8. […] a few moments I was seated at my computer. I knew where the words were that I needed to get rid of. I’ve had that certain folder in my email inbox for a while […]

  9. […] each other quite a scare. But then, almost immediately afterwards, I found myself facing some of my own dark places inside. I shut down emotionally for a few days, and even lashed out at CBG when he tried to infiltrate my […]

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