I’ve been thinking a lot lately about priorities and having patience.
This past week, CBG and I had a mutual freak-out about our relationship. It started with me, and one short conversation had HIM convinced that maybe he needed to re-examine things, too.
It wasn’t about how we feel about one another. That part has never been in question. It was about everything else – finances, travelling to see one another, our kids, making this work until we’re able to be together.
Thank goodness the mutual freak out only lasted overnight. I woke up the next morning, went for a run, and let my brain work things out. I felt a thousand times better afterwards.
Part of my problem is that I’m feeling dissatisfied with a number of things in my life right now. I made a list – about 10 things that simply aren’t as I want them to be right now. To see it written out like that, well, that amounts to A LOT. It’s pretty disheartening. It made me feel like I’ve got absolutely no focus in my life right now. And at almost 36 years old, that’s a pretty scary thing.
I’ve come to a very important conclusion: I can’t have it all. At least not right now, anyway. It’s just not realistic given the current circumstances of my life.
What I’ve realized is, I need to learn to be okay with that. I’ve just been flailing around, without really having a plan. That’s what I mean about priorities. I need to figure out what’s most important here, and focus on those things, knowing that there will eventually come a time to make the other things happen as well. And well, that’s what having patience involves, which admittedly, I’m not very good at.
But it’s something I must learn to become good at. Otherwise, I’m going to drive myself nuts, bouncing around, not doing anything particularly productive, and being dissastisfied with everything. It’s time to set my priorities, buckle down and focus on them, and let go of everything else for now.
It’s what I have to do. It may take a lot of trial-and-error, but I’ll get there.