Remembering Happiness

I went to bed last night, after an exhausting night’s conversation with CBG. I laid there in the dark and asked The Universe to show me the way.

When I woke up this morning, the message echoing in my head was loud and clear:

The only obstacle to my happiness is me.

I got geared up and went for a run. It was a beautiful morning. Cold, crisp and dark. I stepped outside and took everything in. The city lights glittered at me. I took a slow, deep breath and offered up thanks. Thanks for the beautiful morning. Thanks for the inspiration to go out for a run. Thanks for a man who loves me with everything that he has.

When I am in my darkest moments, the first thing that I forget is that happiness is a choice. My own happiness is always the first thing that I seem to let go of. I have no idea why that is…but what I do know is that is has to stop.

So many times in the last year of my life, I have held happiness firmly in the palm of my hand. I have been on top of the world, knowing that I have it all figured out. And then…it slips away. It slips away because I let it go. I let it go when I listen too much to my own fear and guilt. I let it go when I give in to overthinking. I let it go when I focus too much on the uncertainty of the future.

I lost my grip again the last couple of days. The worst thing is that in the process, I seem to have knocked it out of CBG’s own hand, as well. When one is drowning they always grab onto the person closest to them, don’t they?

It boils down to faith. I’ve always struggled with having faith and hanging onto it. It’s hard to have faith when happiness can be such an elusive thing. My faith was deeply shaken this week. But this morning, post-run, I realize that I need to go out there and find it. It’s probably hanging out with happiness somewhere, having a beer.

The bar’s closed, ladies – it’s time to come back where you belong.

9 Responses

  1. Atta girl!

    I think we also lose happiness and faith because we believe its elusive. We cling to it out of fear that it will go away… instead of relying on the trust that it is always available to us… if we only allow it.

    Its ok to get lost sometimes because we always have a chance to choose again.

    ((hugs))

  2. Wow. Sooo what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing your struggles and journeys! Reading your thoughts is more helpful than you will ever know. Thanks.

  3. Isn’t it amazing how a good run clears outta all the garbage in our heads?

  4. Just putting it out there…do you think the blog world maybe sometimes adds to the mood and emotions we have?Sometimes I feel it allows us a chance to be a bit overdramatic about regular every day ebbs and flows and might even build up simple everyday feelings .
    I am beginning to think of twitter as a bit egotictic too….why must we throw out to the world these little blips of life?Whatever happened to private lives and even the aura of mystery?
    Something seems a little off balance in the current state of the world.
    Perhaps a simpler way of living would reduce our stress and overanalyzing?
    This applies to me as well, since I am reading this blog world stuff!

  5. I know what you mean – happiness is a choice, but sometimes it’s harder than it looks to choose it, and have faith that you can capture it. Good luck, I’m sure it’s finding its way back to you from the bar, as we speak ;-)

  6. Sunshine, a beautiful post. A morning run outdoors does make everything better. I hope you find your peace. :)

  7. [...] Posted on February 26, 2010 by mommasunshine T’s comment on yesterday’s post really got me thinking. Specifically this part: “Its ok to get lost sometimes because we [...]

  8. [...] the mutual freak out only lasted overnight. I woke up the next morning, went for a run, and let my brain work things out. I felt a thousand times better [...]

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