Letting Go

The Head has been leading the way these past few days. Telling me things that I’ve known all along, but my heart has been choosing to ignore.

How can you possibly consider letting go of the love of your life because it doesn’t make sense on paper?

Of course, there’s more there than just that. There’s anxiety, fear and guilt on both our parts.

So much fear.

So much guilt.

So many worries.

So much heartache…already…and nothing’s even been decided.

So what do we let go of?

The two sides of the coin are this: each other on one side…fear, guilt and worry on the other. We tried letting go of the fear, guilt and worry for months now…and it’s come back to bite us on the ass, harder than ever. How do we learn to let go of that permanently? Or should we, even? Maybe those feelings are just the pull of reality that we’ve been ignoring for too long.

But on the other hand, what if the fear and worry is just that…fear of the unknown. Worry about things we don’t understand yet. Guilt that needs to be laid to rest, once and for all?

There are too many things to think about.

6 Responses

  1. Its too difficult to think about the future when what you’d like to happen seems so far away….

    I learned this very difficult lesson during Soldier’s deployment. It sucked. I hated it. But at least there was an end in sight.

    With Rascal, I have no idea, still NO IDEA, what is going to happen. Instead I continue to ask myself these same questions:

    Do I love him?

    Am I having fun?

    The answers are always yes. So, I have to allow it to be. Maybe there’s a reason why it is the way it is right now? Who am I to try to force it into something that its not?

    Hang in there sweetie.

  2. I agree with T. I keep asking the same two questions about my BLT – do I love him? Am I enjoying myself? I am, very much on both counts. So I won’t try and force it right now, I won’t label it or look for a bigger “plan”. I am just trying to enjoy it for what it is.

  3. I don’t know what to say, but remember you always need to do what is right for you and your girls first. Also is your heart happy in the moment and is that moment going to be something you are glad you held on to then it is worth fighting for.

  4. What would happen if you took the huge leap? At least you would know. If you give up with out truly “seeing” , how are you both going to feel down the road. An end with regret is worse than and end!
    Good luck girl!

  5. […] past week, CBG and I had a mutual freak-out about our relationship. It started with me, and one short conversation had HIM convinced that maybe he needed to […]

  6. […] been a rough couple of weeks with CBG. We reached a point where we began to question whether or not we were going to be able to keep making this work. Not because of a lack of love or […]

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