On the Subject of My Ex…

I’ve been thinking lately about how lucky I am in terms of this whole single mom gig.

I know that I have complained a bit about my ex when things happen that I’m not entirely pleased about. That’s human nature, isn’t it? To bitch about things when they’re not going perfectly?

I met with my lawyer this week about my divorce. It’s not official yet, but things are well on their way. Because my ex and I have been able to work out all of the details on our own, it should be a relatively pain-free process. She let me know that’s actually pretty rare. She also said that it seemed obvious to her that he and I are working together in the best interests of our children.

I’ve been thinking about how fortunate I am…and how fortunate my girls are. Despite our differences, my ex is a good father. He is also a very involved father. Our 50/50 co-parenting arrangement allows me time to pursue my own life outside of being a mom. I don’t have to worry about the safety and well-being of my girls when they are with him. I know that he loves those girls and despite his occasional bouts of “tunnel vision”, he would do absolutely anything to ensure their happiness.

It’s sad that he’s the exception, rather than the rule, when it comes to ex husbands and parenting partners. If only more fathers out there were like him.

I’m sure I’ll have something to complain about in terms of our co-parenting relationship again at some point in the future, but for now, I’m going to enjoy the positives while they’re here.  ‘Cuz it could always be a whole lot worse.

9 Responses

  1. That’s awesome, and so great that you two have worked out such a good co-parenting relationship! Though I don’t have any children, I can speak to the painless divorce process (as painless as those can possibly be!), as mine was too. Makes it just a smidge easier, doesn’t it?!

  2. I am hoping that we are able to do this but right now there is so much emotion. Getting past that is so difficult!

    • It’s certainly not easy, and we’re definitely not perfect with this all the time, that’s for sure. The only thing that I can say is that it takes time and effort on both parts. It’s easy to fall back into those old roles that led to the breakdown of the relationship in the first place, but if you work at it, then I do think that it’s possible to create a new kind of dynamic. 🙂

  3. Good for you- that’s wonderful!

  4. I’m glad you know how lucky you are! I would do anything to have an ex that took his daughter even once a week.

  5. Yes, it does seem you do have it pretty good. Nothing like reading a few of the *other* blogs to get some perspective, huh? 😉

    That being said, it is perfectly acceptable to bitch about the stuff you don’t like.

  6. I am so hoping for an amicable divorce, as it seems you are experiencing. You certainly did something right!

    So far co-parenting is working fairly well for us, even with little to no communication. (I know he wants to be a big part of our son’s life.) It will be the financial piece that will be difficult to get through peacefully. Any pointers in this area?

    • I don’t really have any pointers – because my ex and I have a 50/50 parenting arrangement, we also divide the financial responsibility 50/50 as well. It can be a pain, having to talk out major purchases for the girls (school clothes, winter boots, stuff like that), but I’d rather have to talk those things out, than talk out touchy financial stuff, which is always a whole lot more difficult…

  7. I remain appalled that more fathers aren’t able to keep their kids’ interests in mind and try to work out divorce in the least combative terms possible.

    That said… I can only hope that my own soon-to-be-ex-wife remains as similarly committed to a peaceful resolution as she currently seems to be.

    Good for you, Mommasunshine, and too bad that you’re the exception, not the rule.

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