I had a horrifying nightmare on Wednesday night.
I don’t remember the details leading up to it, but I found myself on some kind of mass transportation system (a bus, I believe) with a bunch of other people. There was some kind of explosion, I think, and then came the realization: I’m going to die.
Everything began to fade to white, and then it hit me: This is it. There is nothing after this. When I’m dead, I’m gone.
I woke up sweating, panicked and terrified, and worst of all . . . alone.
Alone. Again. That seems to be a common theme. Whatthefucksupwiththat anyhow, Universe, hm?
And then last night? An emotionally charged, upsetting conversation with CBG. It ended on a bad note and now I feel myself curling up inside myself, away from him, for the first time in months.
Both of these things are very harsh reminders of how much the distance sucks. And I know that this is no newsflash for anyone here, least of all me, but every once in a while I feel like I’m being sucker punched in the gut with reality…usually when I least expect it.