The holidays are tough for me.
I’d talk about it more, but I don’t particularly feel like it right now. Let’s just say there are plenty of ways to screw up a kid, and leave it at that.
The last few years have been particularly hard. Two years ago, I was depressed and completely not present at all. I was still able to put on a good front for everyone in my life, but the truth is, I was on a sinking ship….miserable. I was able to plaster on a smile and make it look good for everyone else; when in reality I was a million miles away in my head.
Last year I was officially separated from my exhusband, but we were still living under the same roof. Yeah…ask me how much fun THAT was. We both made an effort and made it through, though…for the sake of our girls, which is the important part.
Still…it was hellish. I made Christmas dinner for my ex’s family (who didn’t like me when he and I were together, let alone split up), got a little tipsy and at one point tiptoed away and hid to drunk-dial CBG for moral support and a little flirting. He was a lifesaver to me during that time. Again…I was able to grit my teeth, put on a smile, and make it through…even though it was the last place I wanted to be.
This year, however, it’s all different. I’ve got my own place. I’m well on the way to building a life of my own….a life that much more resembles the one I want for myself. This year – for the first time in several – I’m actually looking forward to the holidays. I’m doing my best not to stress out. I’m trying hard to focus on the most important things…my friends and family, most of all my girls and CBG.
Life is good.
Weather permitting, CBG and I are going to see a lot of one another over the holidays, something that I’m really looking forward to.
The girls will be with me on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning. Around mid-day, they’ll go to their dads, and CBG will be picking me up and bringing me to have dinner with him, Rugrat, and his parents. I’m really looking forward to that – it’s going to be great. I’ll be spending that weekend with him and Rugrat before heading back home for a few days.
New Year’s Eve night, CBG and Rugrat will be spending the night with the girls and I at our place. The plan is making pizzas, watching movies, and playing some board games. The next day, all five of us will be going to CBG’s parent’s place for a New Year’s Day feast (have I mentioned how awesome CBG’s folks are? ‘Cuz they.are.fabulous!) That weekend will be spent all together at CBG’s house.
It’s going to be hectic, and pretty removed from our relaxing one-on-one weekends (yes….I actually did say that) but we’re both very much looking forward to it.
For me, I’m hoping that this year marks a trend of some very happy holidays to come in the future. These days, I expect nothing less from my life.