Educating My Girls

One of the things that I always wanted to be for my daughters was a positive role model.

That, in fact, weighed heavily in my mind when I decided to end my marriage. What kind of life example did I want to set for my girls? Ultimately I decided that I wanted to show them that happiness is truly important. I wanted to show them that “settling” or “making do” is not enough. That true joy and happiness are to be found, and sometimes you have to take a huge risk in order to find it.

I also want them to grow up with a mom who, while she makes plenty of mistakes in life, is able to take responsibility for them, and always tries to learn from those mistakes. Life’s like that. Shit happens. Some of us learn from it, some of us don’t. Mistakes are inevitable – the truly wise are able to use them as opportunities for growth and empowerment.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes when it comes to parenting my girls, I know that. I don’t think there’s a parent on the planet who can claim otherwise. Well, I guess they can, but they’d only be lying to themselves, quite frankly. There’s a few mistakes in particular that I would take back if I could. The truth is, much as I would like to, I can’t. The only thing that I can do is vow not to make them again, and to sincerely apologize to my girls if they ever come to me about them later in life.

I’m happy to say that I’m also teaching my girls about love. I’m teaching them what it means to be in a romantic relationship with someone. I know that they (particular my 6 yr old) are paying attention to my relationship with CBG. Just yesterday, in fact, Kiddo, my oldest, read my “morning tweet” from CBG over my shoulder. He sends me a tweet, every single morning without fail, that simply says, “Good morning, beautiful.” My daughter read this out loud, and a dreamy look passed over her face. I could swear that she swooned, in fact.

I’m glad that they are learning about relationships from the example that CBG and I are setting for them. I am happy to show them two people who are in love, who are willing to overcome obstacles for that love. I am happy that they are witnessing a man who absolutely adores their momma and is actively wooing her. It’s good for them to see that, I think — it will set up an expectation for them in their own future relationships. They will know how to be treated, they will see what it means to be in love with someone else, and they won’t settle for less than that. No, our love’s not perfect, but that’s okay. Nothing in  life is, is it? We’re doing our best with what we’ve got, and it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.

I wish for nothing less for these two beautiful girls of mine.


8 Responses

  1. Yup. I hear you. One reason I left my ex was that I didn’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that she should ver put up with a man who cheats on her and lies to her. At first, I thought that I was setting a good example by staying, that they’d learn that love was about forgiveness. And I might’ve stayed if that had been the end of the affair. But a year and a lot of pain later, I realized that all my daughter was witnessing was her mother being mistreated and taken advantage of. And I wanted to show her that I (and she) deserve much better.

    I’m glad your daughters are seeing their mother treated the way she deserves. You *are* demonstrating for them what real love is.

  2. One of the hardest lessons I have learned as a parent is teaching my children that they can be brave and strong no matter what. That they don’t HAVE to depend on the opposite sex, that when the time is right you’re supposed to stand BY each other. I’m so glad things are working out for you and yours.

  3. It is a toughie.

    A minefield I sometimes wonder if I can navigate. But I will.

    And as you say love prevails and that’s what’s important.

  4. I’ve never thought about the example a relationship can show to your children. I will have to ponder that. Very good post.

  5. Funny, I was just telling someone else this same thing about how Rascal treats me. I love what I’m learning from him about my own self worth.

    I like who I am with him in my life.

    And I hope the same for my two little girls too.

    Love this!

  6. I totally agree! I am not in in a relationship, nor do I have kids. But I know that a lot of my friends are in relationships and they are unhappy for many reasons including how their husbands treat them but they don’t want to split up because of the kids. I have said to them, is this what you want them to think a relationship should be?
    Great post and your girls are very lucky to have such a good role model.

  7. Yeah, it’s good for kids to see their parents in a loving relationship. That’s good role modeling – especially if they see it in person.

    How funny that you could hear her swoon!

  8. They are beautiful girls, and I love your attitude of wanting to teach them about a loving adoring relationship between you and CBG. I too wanted my children to learn from what I would NOT accept in the behavior and issues from their father. I only hope that even though mine are getting up in years (10 and 14) that they can learn as I embark on a new relationship – what a true respectful appreciated relationship is all about. Because I agree – they deserve nothing less.

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