I didn’t sleep well last night.
To be fair, I haven’t been sleeping all that well these last couple of weeks anyhow. Summer is winding up and there are some big changes on the horizon for my family – namely, the girls starting daycare, to accomodate me (finally!) getting a job. For those curious people – no, I still don’t have one, but I am confident that I will land something relatively soon. Now that child care is in place, I am not held back by that particular obstacle. In general, I simply have a lot of loose ends that need to be tied up. I need to get back on track with bill paying. I have a HUGE stack of paperwork from my lawyer that I need to get on, in order to get my divorce under way. I want to start running regularly again. Blah, blah, blah…
In short, my mind is swimming around and around and around with a million things at once. None of them are particularly horrible; it’s just a lot to think about. There are a lot of changes on the horizon for me in the relatively near future. I am looking forward to most of them – after all, these changes, while scary at first, mean a better, more stable life for me and my girls…which is exactly what I’ve been working towards all along.
Last night I curled up beside a “CBG Pillow”. I brought back with me a cologne-sprayed t-shirt, and used it last night to dress one of my pillows. I’m actually not sure if it helped me or hurt me…I woke up several times during the night and cuddled up to it, aching to feel his arms around me. The first few nights after we’ve been together are always the most difficult. I just have to remind myself of that. That, and the fact that it’s only 8 more nights until we’re together again. Totally doable. Easily doable, in fact.
Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.
I can see the pattern of my life, at least for the next while, stretching out before me. Being apart from CBG will suck, but it’s not unbearable…not yet anyhow. This pattern will become familiar soon, part of what our regular life looks like. It’s not always ideal, especially when I find myself snuggling up to a t-shirt covered pillow in the middle of the night. But then I remind myself that there are couples who endure much worse than this. In the grand scheme of things, we are some of the lucky ones.
If nothing else, I’ll sleep when we’re back together again. Only 8 restless nights to go.
Filed under: CBG, dating, figuring stuff out, happiness, me stuff, pointless rambling, The "L" Word Tagged: | dating, gratitude, happiness, life, long distance relationship, love, relationships, singlemom