As you all know, it’s been a rough year and a half or so for CBG and I. Depression, ADHD, job loss, extended unemployment, money woes, a change of jobs for me, and finally, CBG starting a new job just a month ago.
I’m exhausted just reading that list. And of course, all the while dealing with these big things, there’s the ordinary stress and work of everyday life to deal with, too.
As you can imagine, it’s taken a bit of a toll on our marriage. We’re talking big stressful things here, people. All we need to do is add moving and a death of a close family member to really amp up the stress levels to meltdown level. Trust me — there were times when a full-on meltdown sounded like a pretty good idea.
We’ve been kind of bumbling along, doing our best to hold things together and keep adulting as best we could. And I’m not gonna lie, kids, there have been plenty of times, particularly in the last six months or so, when things have really sucked. Not “we’re calling it quits here and now” kind of sucking, but more like, “I don’t really like you all that much today” kind of thing.
Now that the dust has begun to settle a little bit, we’ve come to realize that now is the time that we need to focus on one another a little bit more. Which is weird for us, to have to make an effort to do this, because for so long, life was all about love and passion and fun and squeezing every drop of goodness out of life that we could together. And yet here we are.
In the name of reconnecting and getting back on track, we’ve decided to institute a regular Thursday night date night. One of our big problems this past year and a half or so is that although we’ve still had plenty of fun together, a bit of our regular spark has gone out of things. Stress and worry have a way of dulling that sparkle, I guess. We find excuses to just stay home and veg out in front of the tv, when the Sunshine and CBG of years gone by would go out and make their own fun, dammit. And well, snuggling on the couch is nice now and then, but ultimately not something I want to do every night of the week. Not by a long shot.
So we came up with the idea of a no-excuses date night every Thursday night going forward. Our date night plan comes with a few rules:
- We’ll take turns planning our dates.
- The planner has full control; the other person can’t veto any date night idea.
- At-home dates are fine, but they have to be deliberate; we can’t just default to watching a movie at home because we can’t think of anything else to do.
- Dates can be big or small, long or short, it’s all up to the planner.
- THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR SKIPPING DATE NIGHT! Plans may have to change or be altered, but no putting off date night when other things get in the way.
We know that having a regular date night isn’t going to magically make everything all better and immediately put the sparkle back.
But you know what? It’s a good start.