Yesterday was my birthday.
I’m not sure if that’s what’s been making me think so much about the future, or if it’s just the natural evolution of my life right now.
Life is changing. There are a lot of unknowns right now.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog, in particular. I’ve been blogging in one way or another for about 9 years now. This particular blog for about seven of those years. It used to be that this was my place where I put it all out there. Where I shared my life and my thoughts with others. I have met a lot of wonderful people through blogging — people that I’ve met in person. People that I consider to be my friends.
I’ve shared a lot of stories. Worked through a lot of my person crap.
There’s been a lot less writing from me over the years, gradually. There was once a time when blogging was part of my every day life. But now sometimes weeks go by without anything. I feel uninspired. Less like sharing my life and my thoughts with other people. Particularly as the online word feels so much smaller and more intimate than it did even just a couple of years ago. I’m not nearly the anonymous voice on the interwebs that I once was. I’m just not feeling as comfortable sharing all this as I once did, particularly since the local online scene is alive and well and likely reading along.
…or maybe not, I don’t know.
I’ve fancied myself a writer since I was 11 years old. To not do it anymore, in some capacity, would feel like a part of me was missing. But to keep doing it in this same way that I have been for the past almost decade feels too much like I’m exposing myself to people that I’d rather not share with. Which is funny, because, isn’t that what blogging started out as? Putting yourself “out there” to strangers?
I guess it’s not the strangers I mind so much, but the people who know me. Or think they know me.
The thing is, as much as burning this blog to the ground is appealing at the moment, it’s not something that I want to get rid of entirely. I have chronicled 7 years of my life here. Seven years of my relationship with CBG. Of my daughter’s lives. Of my own personal growth. Making all that go away permanently just isn’t something that I’m ready to do just yet. Or may not be ready to do ever, I don’t know. These are my stories.
I’m honestly not sure what’s going to happen with this thing. I feel like it’s time to make some kind of a transition. What that transition is going to look like, I’m not so sure. I guess I have to figure that out.
That’s the thing about birthdays for me. They get me thinking about life, the future, and change. Birthdays are a good opportunity for starting fresh. Going in a new direction.
They’re also a great time for cake.