I’m finding myself in a funk lately that I just can’t seem to pull myself up out of. I’m not 100% sure what’s going on, to be honest. I’m tired — a lot. I’m lacking enthusiasm for life. I’m having difficulty dealing with the usual stress and b.s. of life. I’m irritable, unable to brush off the little things that happen every day. Everything gets to me. The things that I know that will help me to feel better — eating properly and exercising, specifically — are the things I’m having the most trouble with. I’ve been medicating myself with fat, sugar and caffeine and I know that when I have too much of those things, making my body move to get a good sweat going is just all that more difficult.
And yet, here I am. Running — not very much and not very enthusiastically — and then shoving my face with chocolate and ice cream when I’m feeling down. And then feeling rotten and not like running that much at all.
And the cycle continues.
My mood is low and even worse, my body feels sluggish and tired. Not all of it is food and exercise related I’m sure. I’ve done a lot of thinking and have realized there’s a definite pattern in my life where my body and my brain slow down considerably in the fall and winter months. It’s been blamed on a lot of things over the years — adrenal fatigue, anemia, low Vitamin D levels, dissatisfaction with my job, stress, depression, anxiety — but I wonder if its not because of the lack of sunshine and the cold weather. Perhaps Seasonal Affective Disorder? I dunno. Definitely not normal, but normal for me, it would seem, in that it seems to happen every single year.
Lately I can really feel the familiar autumn slowdown that always seems to happen. I’ve decided to at least try and do something about it this year. Tomorrow I see my doctor to request a full run of blood tests to get everything checked, and then I’m arming myself with all of that info and marching myself to my Naturopath’s office. I hope that she’s able to help.
It’s a long time until spring, and I definitely do NOT want to spend the next six months feeling rotten. And yet, I’m already frustrated because it’s like I’ve almost given up on feeling better already. How’s THAT for a shitty attitude?