So in Monday’s post I set up the story. Yes, I’d completed a marathon before. Barely. But it wasn’t something I’d ever felt a lot of pride about, because of my poor finish time and because I’d felt like I hadn’t really done it on my own.
Last year I made the decision to run a half marathon. I struggled a lot with fear and self-doubt, but in the end, I ran it. And I rocked it. I finished faster than I’d hoped, I enjoyed every minute of it, and honestly felt proud of myself for being able to finish it.
But still, it didn’t feel like I’d vindicated myself for for marathon in ’07. Sure, I’d run a half, but…well…it was only half, right? Sure it was a challenge at the time but in my heart I knew that I wanted an even bigger challenge. Running the half marathon felt like I’d only done it halfway.
I’m not sure at what point this year I made the decision that I wanted to run a full marathon, but at some point I did. I kept it in my mind as I hauled ass out of bed at 4:30 many mornings this past summer. I had my sights set on it for so long but then when the time came, the cold feet set in.
I officially backed out, as you can remember. I’ve been struggling with sciatica for at least the past month, and that was giving me just the excuse I needed to pull out of going for it. I felt broken down and defeated, too overwhelmed by my fears to get out there and just do it.
And then, with the help of CBG and some encouragement from others, I looked fear in the eye. And I made the decision to go for it. I didn’t want to have that regret looming over me.
And so I registered, finally. Only about 2 weeks before the event.
And still the doubts loomed. I called it off in my head at least another half dozen times. I considered transferring my registration to next year. I thought about downgrading to just the half. I played all kinds of mental games with myself, right up until the day before. Would I or wouldn’t I actually go out there and run the damn thing?
And then, before I knew it, Marathon Weekend was here.
On Saturday CBG and I drove to Prince Edward Island (about a 4 hour drive from our home) for race day. By that time I was actually feeling surprisingly Zen about the whole thing. Despite the mental games I’d played with myself all week long, I was feeling calm and ready to just do it already.
* * * * *
Wow. So I’m ridiculously long-winded. I promise that the next post will be all about how the day itself went down.
I’m such a tease. heh.