Yesterday, my lovely bloggy friend T posted this on her Facebook:
It was one of those instances of receiving a message when I most needed it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about running — specifically the marathon (that I still haven’t registered for, btw) that is coming up in 18 days. I’ve been thinking about how a part of me is seriously toying with the idea of backing out. Not because I can’t do it — because I know that I can — but because I worry that I won’t be able to do it as well as I would like. It’s not the pressure of doing the marathon as much as ‘proving’ that I am a ‘legit runner’ with a respectable finishing time.
And yes, I am fully aware of how ridiculous that sounds. Give me my moment, will ya?
And then yesterday…the above quote shows up on my Facebook….reminding me that there is no shame in failure…but that there is shame in not even trying at all.
At this point, I can honestly say that the verdict is still out on which direction I’m going to go in terms of this marathon. Will fear win out, or will I manage to drag myself out there, kicking and screaming, to face those fears of mine….?
* * * * *
I wrote this post last night. This morning I got up and went out on a short, quick 5km around my neighbourhood. I thought a lot about this post, and this quote. I thought about my fears. I thought about running, and my self-perception.
Most of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about how not trying really is worse than failure. But here’s the thing: the thing about not trying is that then you don’t have to face the prospect of failure, do you? If you never leave your comfort zone then you never have to face your fears. It’s a scary thought to build yourself up, face your fears, and have them beat you anyhow.
Comfort zones were made to be broken, this is the only way that we can grow and change and become who we want to be. But the thing about comfort zones are that they’re awfully comfortable….