I wanted to write a profound post about my solo weekend. Because the weekend ended up being about more than just mean enjoying my own company. There was a shift for me over the weekend, in myself. And it’s something that I need to write about. That was the plan, anyhow. I’ve had it swirling around in my head for the last two days. But now that I’m sitting down at my computer to write, it feels like just another burden. Another item on my “to do” list. A list that is about 78 items long.
The fact is, friends, I am feeling very overwhelmed right now.
With moving — and everything attached to that, and CBG’s job hunt — and everything attached to that, along with the regular stress of work and life and motherhood it’s all starting to feel like way too much. There’s a lot of fear swirling around in all of this as well. It’s hard admitting that, but there you have it. It is what it is, right? Fear. My old familiar foe.
I’m doing things to manage the stress and anxiety — running when I can, avoiding caffeine, going for brisk walks on my lunch break, talking with friends when I feel particularly overwhelmed. I have a massage booked for tonight as well (I need yoga too, but lack the time for it right now with everything else). But still, even with these things, I feel like I’m barely treading water. Short of having a magic time machine and skipping ahead a couple of months, the best I can hope for is to avoid crumbling under the stress and pressure.
The truth is, I just don’t handle stress and anxiety very well. Of course, this comes as no surprise to me. You’re talking to a woman who once ended up in the emergency room compliments of an anxiety attack. I’m nowhere near those kinds of stress levels right now, but still. You get the point. Sunshine = bad with anxiety.
I know that I should be happy and excited about everything that’s happening right now. And I want to be. And I guess on some level I am…but it’s hard to just sit back and enjoy when I’ve overwhelmed with everything like I am. There’s no “sitting back” for this gal. There’s too much to do right now.
I guess at this point all I can do is keep utilizing my anxiety-busting tools and cross those things off my ‘to-do’ list as they get ‘to-done’.
Fingers crossed I make it through in one piece. At the moment, it’s not looking so good.