“I Want to be *THAT* Guy”

On Friday night, after CBG got into town (and after we…*ahem*…“reunited”) we took the opportunity to talk a bit. Specifically about my blog post last week, where I wrote about grieving the loss of certain things from my life; things that aren’t going to be possible because of our relationship and because of who CBG is.

 The post hurt his feelings. He felt as though I was saying I was giving up all these great things in order to be with him, and that his fear was that I would one day end up resenting him for those sacrifices. I realized that I’d written the blog post a little too much “in the moment” and didn’t take some time to think about how my words might make him feel. I realize that’s likely how I made it sound…that I was being negative and focusing on everything that I was losing, and paying little attention to all that I have gained, and all of the positive changes in my life.

 The thing is, every relationship requires sacrifice, from both partners. I realize that there are things that CBG is giving up in order for us to be together and continue this LDR indefinitely. I never meant to make it sound like it was all me, giving up all of these great and wonderful things so that we could have this relationship. For me it’s more about giving up the idea of these things, since many of them weren’t in my immediate grasp anyhow. It’s also about coming up with new hopes and dreams, ones that won’t frustrate me and make me resentful. I need dreams that are based on the life that I’m building now…that we’re building now. Together. Even if we are separated most of the time.

 During our conversation I told CBG that it’s not a matter of me feeling like I have to give up these things, but that I’m doing it willingly. Because the sacrifices are absolutely worth what we have. I just need a little time to feel sad about them, before I’m able to move on.

 He told me that it felt like I was disappointed in him because he’s not a certain kind of guy. And of course that’s not true, even though my words might have communicated otherwise. And then he told me: “I want to be *that* guy…the guy who goes camping even though he hates it because it’s something you love to do.”  Those words gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes, as the truth of what he said hit me square in the face. In those words, with that small gesture, he communicated all the love he feels for me.

 All of those sacrifices, all of those hopes and dreams that may never be realized, just melted away as I was reminded of just how much this man adores me, and what a lucky woman I am indeed.

Sure I have things that I’m giving up…but in return, I have the man of my dreams. Seems like a pretty fair trade, don’t you think so?

10 Responses

  1. Absolutely a fair trade! MORE than a fair trade!! I am glad you two talked it out and have as always, a renewed sense of love and appreciation for each other. All in. Like whoa! :)

  2. Well, he said the perfect thing. And it doesn’t matter whether you ever go camping with him, he wants to try because you love it. Congrats on love.

  3. Yes, yes I do! You are lucky to have found each other!

  4. It’s all about sacrifice and I see that every single day with DH and I…he’s not The Ex (which is a really, really good thing) but there were things about The Ex that I really enjoyed…his openness, his ability to communicate with anyone, his love of having lots of family around, how he took control of the “fun” of a situation sometimes and DH isn’t that guy. I have to pause and remind myself of that and I am grateful for who he is and what we are, there are things about the other life that were fun and made life easier. We all give up stuff to be together (at least in a healthy relationship). It’s so wonderful you can talk to each so well.

  5. I’ve said it before my friend, and I’ll say it again …

    A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it … but it takes two to make it work.

    And you two, ya know, you two may have ups and downs but damn girl, you guys have it going ON. :)

    • That’s the thing, isn’t it? We *do* have our ups and downs (so does every relationship), but it’s our mutual commitment to making it work that makes the difference, I think.

      • I think so, yes. And I hope you find comfort in that Sunshine, I really do. I’ve been in crap position of knowing that if we weren’t perfect all the time, I was in fear of him leaving. And that’s just what he did.

        I’m looking for that dude, you know the one. The one that no matter what kind of horrendous day you have, that you damn well know he’s gonna be there when it’s all said and done.

        Kind of like CaNook. :)

      • I’ll tell ya…CBG has seen me at pretty much my absolute worst. Rock bottom. Early on, too. And still he came back for more. That says a lot.

        And I really hope that you find The One. Everyone deserves that.

  6. Seriously, this proves the power of your relationship and the love you two share. I’m so glad you two talked it out, all of it. I’m glad he was honest with you, too. Sometimes when hurt feelings get in the way, it’s hard to own up to it.

  7. [...] camping was one of them. What I didn’t stop to think about at the time was that CBG was willing to extend himself past his comfort zone to compromise. So this past weekend we spent lots of time in nature but still slept in comfort that [...]

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