Backlash

Last week was a pretty shitty one. There were so many contributing factors to why I ended up feeling the way that I did on Thursday.

I’ve got a whole lot going on. Work struggles. Dealing with loneliness. Doing a physical detox/cleanse. PMS. Winter blahs.  You get the idea.

I’ve also realized that my poor mood likely has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve made some positive strides in the last couple of months, thanks to the book, A Return to Love. It seems that whenever I start gaining some positive forward momentum in terms of my attitude, and figuring out this whole happiness thing once and for all, a part of me digs in its heels and rebels. I think last week was some backlash to all of the positive strides I’ve been making.

There’s a part of me that’s very invested in this idea that happiness is not for me. I am able to quiet that part, placate it for a little while, but sooner or later it always rears it’s ugly head and does it’s best to convince me of all sorts of things. I know that I have to get at that part of myself, figure it out, and love it the way that it needs to be loved, so it doesn’t have to act out in such awful ways.

I know that I will get there…eventually. It’s just going to take time, hard work, patience and love on my part.

And rest assured….though I may FEEL like giving up sometimes, I’m certainly not going to. Life is too important to throw in the towel. I haven’t forgotten my Attitude Makeover, either.

So today is a new day…a fresh start. And I am determined to do my best to make it a good one, no matter what.

5 Responses

  1. Shitty weeks. Yep. I can relate. But it all does come down to “today is a new day” – and so we go from there and hope we do better, and that everything else allows us to do better.

    What else is there? :)

  2. Well, can I just say from personal experience…. when you begin to learn to ‘tame the ego’, it rebels BIG TIME. You will feel some backlash but you’re handling it the right way.

    As one of my friends likes to say when I feel the ego rebelliousness: You know too much to go back, but you’re too afraid to go forward.

    It’s ok. Be gentle on yourself and know that it’s perfectly normal. The next thing you will know, you’re making progress in leaps and bounds!

  3. I admire you for being really honest about this, and about happiness perhaps not being ‘for you’ even though of course we all want happiness. The struggle to get there is sometimes overwhelming. What’s different is that you do see ‘today is a new day’ and a fresh start. That’ll lead you back to your happy place, I know it. XO.

  4. I think I am pretty invested in that idea too ( I like the way you phrased that) I’m at this place now where it’s easiest to be content to be somewhat content, instead of trying for true happiness. Keep on keepin’ on as they say. Hope your Winter Blahs get better.

  5. I am glad to hear that you haven’t given up. I go through the same thing. I go along nicely and then I seem to stop and I feel like I have no control. darn ego’s.

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